Ss Jokes - page 109

Santa’s Really Bitter

T’was the night before Christmas – Old Santa was pissed. He cussed out the elves and threw down his list Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks I have good mind to scrap the whole works I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year Instead of “Thanks Santa” – what do I hear The old lady bitches cause I work late at night The elves want more money – The reindeer all fight Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the…

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Titles Considered for Monica’s New Autobiography..

“I Suck at My Job” “What Really Goes Down in the White House” “How I Blew It in the White House” “Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President” “Clear and Present Boner” “Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule” “Going Back for Gore” “Podium Girl” “Secret Services to the President” “The Congressional Sutdy on White House Intern Positions” “Al Gore is in Command for the Next 30 Minutes” “How to Beat Off the Government” “Going Down and…

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More Confucius say……

Confucius say: “Virginity like bubble. One prick … all gone!” “Man who run in front of car get tired.” “Man who run behind car get exhausted.” “Foolish man give wife Grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ!” “Man with one chopstick go hungry.” “Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.” “Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.” “Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.” “War does not determine who right. War determine who…

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The Clinton Quiz 4 Dirty Johnny

One day at Little Bastard Elementary school, the children were at class in Mrs. Little’s class. She told the class that there was to be a special type of quiz that day and if you got your question right, you could go home early. “Alright class, who said ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country’?” Little Suzy rose her hand and answered John Kennedy, so she was dismissed. “Now, who…

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punctuation

An English professor wrote the words: “A woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “A woman. Without her, man is nothing.” Punctuation is everything!

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A Matter of Punctuation

An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”

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Tattoo

B.B. King and his beautiful wife celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. At night’s end, Mrs. King had a most special gift to express her undying loyalty to him. (she had B.B.’s initials tattooed to her behind, one B on each cheek) After they retired for the night, she bent over to show him the unexpected surprise. B.B. put on his glasses and said, “Who the Hell is BOB” ?

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The Morning After

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. “I assume,” she snarled, “that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o’clock in the morning, with beer on your breath, and lipstick on your collar?” “There is,” he replied. “I’d like some breakfast.”

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Open for interpretation

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer’s mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return I expect to see it completed.” Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the…

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Read JokeOpen for interpretation