Ra ra ra Jokes - page 276

A Drunkard Joke

One night, two drunken men met in a bar. They quickly became friends and one of them invited everyone in the bar to continue the party at his house. When they arrived at the door of the house, his new friend said: “But… This is my house!” “What?” said the other. “Yes, I live here!” “But it’s impossible!” “Well, we’ll settle this… we’ll both go up and ring the doorbell, and whoever answers the door will tell us who lives…

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Drunk Walking Home

A drunk leaves the bar to go home. He has to walk through the cemetery on his way home. He’s walking along and falls into an open grave. “Help, Help! Get me out of here!” he screams. A drunk friend of his is walking home and he too has to pass through the cemetary. As he is walking along, he hears, “Help, Help! Get me out of here!” “Who said that?” says the 2nd drunk, looking around. “Who said that?”…

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Indian Mating Ritual

The Indian tour guide is explaining the re-enactment of an ancient Indian courting ritual. As they watch, an Indian brave approaches the mouth of a small cave, cups his hands to his mouth and calls out: “Ha-woo, ha-woo?” From the back of the cave comes a faint answering, feminine “Ha-woo! Ha-woo!” The Indian brave strips off his clothing and runs into the cave. A Pollock in the tour group gets an idea. He sneaks away, finds the biggest cave he…

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Because I’m a Man!

Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.” We will then drink beer. Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops…

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Speeding Senior Citizen…..

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loves to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman is one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerate her, and some actually join in… one day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and a man stepped out with his arm stretched out… “Stop!” he said in…

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right in the groove

A hippy walks into a Bar and Grill. The waiter comes up to him and asks him if he wants anything. So the Hippy says, “Yeah, a cheeseburger. Not too well done, not too rare, but right in the groove.” So the waiter brings his burger and asks if he wants anything to drink. He says, “A cup of tea. Not too hot, not too cold, but right in the Groove.” The waiter is getting annoyed, but he brings the…

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Technical Support

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft?s electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter?s position and course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a hand-written sign, and held it in the helicopter?s window. The pilot?s sign said ?WHERE AM I?? in large letters. People in the tall building quickly…

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Fable

There once was a poor lad named Timmy who had the misfortune of being born with only a head — no arms, no legs, nothing but a head. Now Timmy was a basically happy person and he was loved and cared for by his family. As long as he stayed within the shelter of his family he was unworried by his condition, but as soon as he was thrust out into the world he knew that something was seriously wrong.…

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Pig to Sausage, and Vice Versa

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant, preppy son around his factory. Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer. They approached the heart of the factory where the father thought, “Surely, THIS should impress him!” He showed his son the machine and said, “Son, this is the heart of the factory. Using this machine, we can put in a pig, and out comes sausages.”…

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