Ra ra ra Jokes - page 274

Y2K waste of time

I think we have been wasting our time preparing for Y2K. You know we are going to have the same problem in the year 10000 with the five digit year, and I think we should be working on that now. I call it the YAK problem (A being the hexadecimal character for 10). I just hate to think we will have to be going through the same things 8 thousand years from now. I also realize that Bill Gates agrees…

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clinton did not commit perjury

President Bill Clinton did not commit perjury when he testified before the grand jury about his relationship with Monica Lewinsky. He told the grand jury in those proceedings ” I believe that Monica Lewinsky has one of the prettiest smiles I’ve ever come acoss ” according to court records.

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$50 or I’ll Bite

A girl had devised a device to cause any car that passed in front of her house to suddenly break down but couldn’t find any practical way to profit from it. So, thinking clearly, she set up the device, and as the cars passed the house and broke down, she’d offer the man in the car a place to stay for the night. Then as soon as the man was asleep, he’d be jarred awake by her with his penis…

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New Teacher

A certain elementary school got a new teacher. This new teacher was an atheist and proud of it. In fact, he was always talking about it, and since the kids were fairly young, he intimidated them. One day he boldly announced, “My mother was an atheist, my father was an atheist and I’m an atheist. How many in this room are atheists?” The kids, being a little scared of him, all raised their hands; all except one little girl. So…

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Jones & Sex

Jones, who had been away on an extended trip, had very romantic plans for his first night home. He told them to his wife, with great expectations, who promptly said, “Oh, I’m sorry, dear, but I’ve got to do all of this laundry. Another time, please.” The next night Jones tried again, and his wife said, “Oh my, I would like to dear, but it wouldn’t be any good. I’ve got this terrible headache. Please give me a rain check.”…

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seagull/kite

When I was a child, we lived near the ocean, and all the kids used to fly kites, but my old man was to cheap to buy me a kite, so he’d just tie a string to a seagull…I’d be crying on the beach, “Dad, why is my kite crapping on me?”

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Quick Comeback

Karen and Ken, a couple in their mid-fifties, had finally decided to tie the knot. Karen and her girlfriend, Sarah, were discussing the upcoming wedding plans. After describing her beautiful wedding dress, Sarah asked Karen what color her shoes would be. Karen replied, “I thought Silver would be nice.” Ken, the eavesdropping fiancee, had to get his two cents in by retorting, “Yes. Silver will be very nice…it will match your hair!” Sarah, not missing a beat, shot a look…

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Baby’s Weight

At this pharmacy, a blonde woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she was holding. The clerk explained that it was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant’s weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. “It won’t work,” countered the blonde. “Why not?” asked the clerk. “I’m not the mother; I’m the aunt.”

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Work vs Prison

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8’x10′ cubicle. At work you spend most of your time in a 6’x8′ cubicle. In prison you get 3 meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it. In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. In prison you can watch TV and play games. At…

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