women and guns
Question: How are women and guns similiar? Answer: Keep one around long enough, and you want to shoot it.
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Nou Jokes - page 31
Take your pick…
One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an executive make it this far, and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”…
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Please Stand Up!
A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. He was somewhat annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick, and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. “Here’s a copy of the service,” he said impatiently. “But you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.”…
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Euro English…
EuroEnglish The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, ‘s’ will be used instead of the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, sivil servants…
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Cavity of the Decayed
“Open wider,” requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. “HOLY MOSES!” he said, startled. “You’ve got the biggest cavity I’ve ever seen!–the biggest cavity I’ve ever seen!” “Ok, Doc!” replied the patient. “I’m scared enough without your saying something like that TWICE!” “I didn’t!” said the dentist. “That was the echo.”
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A Final Appeal
The priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!” The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?” The dying man said, “Until I know where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to piss anyone off.”
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Sayings that should be on BUTTONS
01. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 02. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. 03. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? 04. A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth. 05. Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after. 06. Do I look like a fricking people person? 07. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting. 08. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 09.…
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Eyelids
In the newspaper the other day there was a story of a newborn that was born without any eyelids. The doctor told the young couplethat there was nothing to worry about, since it was early enough, that when their son was circumsized, the foreskin could be grafted on as eyelids. I don’t know about you, but I feel sorry for that young kid. He’s gonna grow up COCKEYED!
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woman bashing
How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They let the bitch do it after she finishes the dishes. How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure. Why did God give men penises? So we’d always have at least one way to shut a…
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The Chili Contest
Just recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in my community to be a judge at a chili cookoff because no one else wanted to do it. Also, the original person called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy,…
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