Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
My dad bought my mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked Dad how she was doing with it. “Oh,” said my dad, “I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet.” “How come?” I asked. “Well,” he answered “because with a clarinet she can’t sing . . .”
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Last week, God, Jesus, the Pope, Billy Graham, Moses and his Messenger, Gabriel, had a very important meeting. They were troubled by the President of the United States” inappropriate behavior. They decided that the only viable course of action left was to create an 11th Commandment to get their message across to him. The problem they faced was how to word this new commandment so that it equaled the other commandments in style and holy inspiration. After great meditation and…
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With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today’s society….. DIRECTRA: a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent. PROJECTRA: men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting…
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How many men does it take to do a womens job? 500, to get enough brain power to go around.
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1. If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda. 3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count as long as you don’t eat more than they do. 4. Foods used for medicinal purposes never count. e.g. hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake. 5. If you fatten…
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There would be a “Rehearsal Dinner Kegger” until the cops showed up. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cutoffs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors. June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that “forsaking all others” part. The couple would leave the ceremony in…
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Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, “What a beautiful night. Look at that moon!” The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend. “You are wrong. That’s not the moon; that”s the sun!” Both continued arguing for awhile when they came upon another drunk walking along. So they stopped him and said, “Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that’s shining. Is it…
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How to be Politically Correct when talking about Men… He does not have a beer gut… He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility. He is not quiet… He is a Conversational Minimalist. He is not stupid… He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development. He does not get lost all the time… He discovers Alternative Destinations. He is not balding… He is in Follicle Regression. He is not a cradle robber… He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships. He does not get falling-down…
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Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw, a stauch vegetarian, refused to attend a gala testimonial because the bill of fare was a vegetarian menu. He explained: “The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me.”
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10. I think of you as a sister. (You’re ugly.) 9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You’re ugly.) 8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You’re ugly.) 7. My life is too complicated right now. (You’re ugly.) 6. I’ve got a girlfriend. (You’re ugly.) 5. I don’t date women where I work. (You’re ugly.) 4. It’s not you, it’s me. (You’re ugly.) 3. I’m concentrating on my career. (You’re ugly.) 2. I’m celibate. (You’re ugly.) 1.…
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