No men Jokes - page 17

Computer

Tired of Harrassment

Eager to make her mark in the world of business, an attractive, young MBA took a job as executive assistant to the middle-aged owner of a fast-growing computer software company. She found the work challenging and the travel interesting, but she was extremely annoyed by her boss’ tendency to treat her in public as though she were his girlfriend, rather than a professional associate. This was especially irritating in restaurants, where he would insist on ordering for her and on…

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Man and Woman

If Men Ruled the World……

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.” Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a timeout. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get ’em next time” would pretty much do it. The…

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Man and Woman

Mastercard Commercial for Men

Cover charge: $15.00 Round of drinks: $23.00 Table dance: $30.00 Another round of drinks: $23.00 Couch dance and tips: $50.00 A round of shots: $34.00 Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00 Send her on her way and never have to hear her complain: PRICELESS!!! Some things money can’t buy, for everything else there’s MasterCard!

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Funny Stories

15 things not to say when you’re pulled over

15 Things NOT to Say When Youare Pulled Over 15. No, YOU assume the position. 14. I’m surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special! 13. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket? 12. No, offi, offic, lucifer . . . I’m not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog. 11. No, I don’t know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110 mph. 10. Back…

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Religious

Our Government

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The president was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little…

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Man and Woman

Womens’ T-Shirts

1. Next mood swing: 6 minutes. 2. All stressed out and no one to choke. 3. And your point is… 4. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it. 5. Remember my name — you’ll be screaming it later. 6. You KNOW you want me. 7. Don’t worry. It’ll only seem kinky the first time… 8. Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time. 9. I’m multi-talented: I can talk and…

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Wedding

Home Economics – Then and Now

The following is from an ACTUAL 1950’s Home Economics textbook for High School girls, teaching them how to prepare for married life. 1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal – on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the propects of a good meal are part of the…

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Funny Stories

Think of Nothing But Sex

Mrs. Goldstein, somewhat advanced in years, had finally been persuaded to consult a psychiatrist for the first time. The psychiatrist, viewing her ruefully, said, “Mrs. Goldstein, with your permission I will try an experiment with you. It may serve to advance us more rapidly. I am going to have you lie here on the couch for half an hour, and during that period of time I want you to think of nothing but sex. Do you understand me? Just think…

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Ethnic Cultural

Little Known Fact

Most people don’t know that back in 1912 Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the “Titanic” was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico that was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. Mexicans were crazy about the stuff. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate (“desperados”) at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning…

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Religious

Fashion Statement

Morris is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker, Joe, is wearing an earring. Morris knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.” “Hey Joe,” Morris yells out, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.” “Don’t make such a big deal out of it…it’s only an earring,” says Joe sheepishly. “No really,” probes Morris, “How long have you been wearing one?” “Ever since my wife found…

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