Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
1. Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too. 2. If a real beauty comes your way walking her dog, stop and pet it. That makes you her friend, and before you know it she’ll be introducing herself and shaking your hand, unless her dog is a pit bull. Then she’ll just introduce herself. 3. Bump into her rear end.…
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George accosted his neighbor and asked, “Hey, Jerry, do you like middle-aged women with thin, wispy mustaches?” “Of course not,” replied Jerry emphatically. “Do you like women who are so fat that they look like they’re pregnant?” “I wouldn’t touch them with a ten-foot pole,” Jerry avowed steadfastly. “How about women with breasts sagging down to their navels?” “Yuck! Absolutely not! They don’t turn me on,” Jerry declared resolutely. “Then tell me this. Why are you screwing around with my…
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GENERAL DISCLAIMER FOR ANY WIVES OR GIRLFRIENDS WHO HAPPEN UPON A COPY OF THIS: 1) The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location. 2) Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing. 3) When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better…
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There was a guy with a speech impediment, and he went into a grocery store, and said, “Do you have any bum?” And then guy behind the counter said, “Bum, what’s bum?” The other guy says, “Bum, you know that stuff you put in your mouth and chew.” The guy behind the counter says, “Oh, you mean gum!” And the guy with the speech impediment says, “Ya, bum.” So, he buys his gum and goes to a hardware store, and…
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The woman in question, a cute blonde as it happens, was pulled over for speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said: “I bet you’re going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen’s Ball.” He replied, “No, Highway Patrolmen don’t have balls.” There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he’d said. He then closed his book, got back…
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A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside…
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Top 10 ways the White House will be different now that Hillary has moved out: 10. President no longer sleeps alone. 9. Faucets in master bathroom now dispense scented massage oil and gravy. 8. Forget dress-down Friday—now all-nude Friday and pantless Monday through Thursday. 7. Volumes of Hillary fan mail redirected to new house. 6. Hillary no longer writing volumes of fan mail to herself. 5. No pressure to cuddle. 4. Token male intern transferred out. 3. Oval office now…
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This actually IS true. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it! Only in South Carolina!! Bitter sweet revenge. It’s about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them…
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A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: “For Women Only”. Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The doorman, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you…
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Dear Tech Support: Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SundayFootball…
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