Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
THE BALLAD OF JOHN AND LORENA BOBBIT (sing to the theme of the Beverly Hillbillies) Come and listen to my story of a man named John, A poor ex-Marine with a little fraction gone. It seems one night after gettin with his wife, She lopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife. “Penis, that is,” “Clean cut, missed his nuts” Well the next thing you know there’s a Ginsu by his side. And Lorena’s in the car takin’…
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Newlyweds get: “soregasms” Nymphos have: “let’s-do-it-some-moregasms” Teenagers usually experience: “four-on-the-floorgasms” Salesmen have: “door-to-doorgasms” Virgins scream out: “my-hymen-got-torgasms” I know of no one who has: “I-abhorgasms” Goalies have: “scoregasms” One gal was married to a man who had: “snoregasms” (well, that was *his* excuse) Golfers have: “foregasms” Hockey players have: “Bobby Orrgasms” Miners have: “ore-gasms” Mushrooms are limited to: “sporegasms” Grocers have: “storegasms” Marco Polo had: “exploregasms” Premature ejaculators have: “beforegasms” And lastly, Selfish men have: “I-got-mine-you-get-yourgasms”
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Chuck decides to bring his wife and son to the nude beach one day. They pick out a spot and little Joey goes off to play while Chuck’s wife sunbathes. Being the beautiful day that it is Chuck decides to go for a swim. About a half an our goes by and little Joey comes running up to his mother and says, “Mommy, Mommy, I saw some lady’s boobies and they’re bigger than yours!” She calmly tells her son, “The…
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A woman went to the doctor’s office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, “What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old…
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Q. How does a man take a bubble bath? A. He eats lots of beans for dinner.
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A man wakes up in the hospital to find his doctor looking down on him and soon the doctor says, “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we were forced to amputate both your legs.” The man, after regaining his composure, then asks, “What on earth is the good news?” With a slight smile, the doctor replies, “The man in the next bed wants to buy your slippers!”
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(This is a true story from the newspaper The Cape Times, South Africa) “For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a patient dead in the same bed every Friday morning,” a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters. “There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive checks on the air condidtioning system, and search for possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues. However, further inquiries have now revealed…
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Two lone soldiers are guarding the trenchline from enemy planes in World War Three. After many minutes of waiting, one plane is seen flying above. “What kind of plane is that, Sergeant?” asked the private. “That’s a German plane. Shoot it down!” and both of them fired at it until it went down. A few minutes later, another plane was seen flying by. The private asked what kind of plane that was. “That’s an American plane. Shoot it down!” and…
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“Winterize your lawn,” the big sign outside the garden store commanded. I’ve fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway. Now I’m supposed to winterize it? I hope it’s too late. Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we’ve come up with, outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly battle dandelions, Queen Anne’s lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through…
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A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center. Man: “What are you doing here today?” Woman: “Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.” Man: Hmmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25. The woman looked thoughtful for a moment, and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in…
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