Ing Jokes - page 489

Fold ‘em!!!

There was a guy waiting for the elevator and the door opens there is a really hot girl in it a she jumps all over him she say’s “make me feel like a woman” he say’s “get off for a second” he takes off all his clothes and says ” fold ’em bitch!!

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Look Natural

It was graduation day, and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in his cap and gown, posing with his father. “Let’s try to make this look natural,” she said. “Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.” Dad answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?”

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DOCTORS’ NOTES ON PATIENT CHARTS

(ACTUAL NOTES–UNEDITED!): 1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year 2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely. 3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1997. 5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also…

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The Nosy Cab Driver

Each morning, a self-righteous, nosy cab driver would drive a man to his place of employment and would later return to drive the man’s wife to her place of employment…a brothel. During a conversation one morning with the man, the nosy cab driver smugly stated, “I don’t mean to be prying, but did you know that each morning after dropping you off at work, I return and take your wife and drop her off at a brothel where she works?”…

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Comprehensive Guide

A little boy walked up to the librarian to check out a book entitled, COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE FOR MOTHERS. When the librarian asked him if it was for his mother, he answered no. “Then why are you checking it out?” “Because,” said the boy, beaming from ear to ear, . . . “I just started collecting moths last month!”

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Can you help me?

A man named Joe walked into a men?s room and saw a row of urinals along the wall. There was another man standing in front of the urinal, but he was not using it. His hands were all curled up. There was nobody else in the men?s room. Joe went and stood by the other man and used the urinal. When Joe had finished, the other man spoke. He said, ?Sir, I don?t have the full use of my hands.…

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The blonde

Judi was driving home one night when she was caught in a bad hail storm. The stones were as big as golf balls. Her car was dented pretty bad. Balking at the price to fix it, Judi was told by the repair shop guy, a smartass by trade, (noticing her bright blonde hair) to blow into the tailpipe REAL HARD when she got home, the dents would pop out. When she got home she started blowing into the tail pipe,…

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