Ing Jokes - page 150

Da Blonde and Da Ol’ VW Bug

There was once a blonde who bought a VW bug. She was driving along, and she ran over a speed bump,and immediately after she heard a huge bang and her car broke down. The blonde then got out of her car and opened the hood, where she thought the engine should be. To her surprise it was gone. Thinking the engine had fallen out she started walking back. On her way she met another blonde, in an identical VW bug.…

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But Y 3K?

A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after a long day’s trip he asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man notices a gorgeous woman sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm. Lying to the hotel clerk, he says, “Fancy meeting my ‘wife’ here. I’ll need a…

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Divine Guidance?

This guy decides to go ice fishing one day, so he gets up at 2am to have an early start. When he arrives, he gets out his saw and begins carving away at the ice when all of a sudden he hears an echoing voice, “There are no fish under the ice there.” The dude freaks out looks around but sees no one. So he waits a few minutes then decides there is no one around and keeps carving. A…

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Women’s Clever Answers To Pick-Up Lines

Man: “Haven’t we met before?” Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.” Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?” Woman: “Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.” Man: “So, wanna go back to my place?” Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?” Man: “Your place or mine?” Woman: “Both. You go to your place and I’ll go to mine.” Man: “I’d really like to get into your pants.” Woman: “No thanks. There’s…

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wonderous piggy

one day a guy at an insurance company got a request for insurance for a pig. The guy wanted to know why the pig needed insurance so he went down to the farm to investigate. when he approched the owner and asked him why, the farmer pointed to the pig with only 3 legs. The insurance man(lets call him Joe) asked what happen to the pig. the farmer(lets call him Billy Bob) says,”well one time my little daughter got out…

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Code Word

There was a priest who heard too many confessions of adultery, that he threatened that if one more person was to say the word “Adultery,” he would quit his job as a priest. The citizens used the word FALLEN as a replacement for the word “adultery.” Ten years later, the priest died. A new priest arrived in the town, unaware of the code word. After many weeks of hearing confessions of people falling, the priest went to the mayor. He…

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Man’s best friend

Women just don’t understand me, that’s why I bought a dog. And this dog is like my dream date-as soon as I get her in the house, she’s all over me, rubbing against my leg, licking my nuts……….I can’t even get a girl to do that…….I can’t even get a girl to shit on my carpet!

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Bad Financial Advice

A girl came running to her father in tears. “What’s the matter?” asked her father. “You gave me some bad financial advice,” she said. “I did? What did I tell you?” “You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble.” “What are you talking about? That’s one of the largest banks in the world, he said. “Surely, there must be some mistake.” “I don’t think so,” said the girl. “They…

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Unappreciated Bride

A new blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, “Robert doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.” “Now, now,” her mother comforted, “I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.” “No, Mother,” the young woman laments. “I bought a frozen turkey loaf, and he yelled at about the price.” “Well, that surely is being miserly,” the mother agreed. “Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.” “No, Mother, it wasn’t the price of the turkey roll. It…

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