Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
An elderly lady went to the doctor’s office for a checkup. The doctor told her, “Mrs. Smith at this age you need to start thinking about the hereafter.” The woman replied, “Oh I do. I go into a room and think, ‘What am I here after?’”
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A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. “Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army,” the general said. “Nothing to it–you’ll catch on again fast.” Next morning, promptly at eight o’clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general’s bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around to…
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A dwarf with a lisp goes to an agricultural show to buy a mare. He wanders around until he comes across a beautiful mare inside a small enclosure with a farmer standing at the gate. He goes up to the farmer and says, “Excthuth me, can I have a look at your horth?” “Sure”, says the farmer,”come on in.” The dwarf wanders round and round the mare and then stops, says to the farmer “Her eyeth, her eyeth, I want…
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There was a boy and his Dad were working in his dad’s garden. His son spotted a butterfly; he then very quickly without warning smashed the butterfly. His dad saw this and was very angry. So he told his son that since he didn’t respect the laws of nature he will have to eat butter for a week. A few min. later his son spotted a fruitfly. He then, with out thinking, crushed the fruitfly. His Dad told him he…
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A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble, and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. Bo, lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. She finally managed to get to the counter of…
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A Pope died and went to Heaven and was met by St. Peter. St. Peter greeted him warmly and said, “Sir you have been such a good servant, We would like to offer you anything you want too make you feel at home”. The Pope said, “I have always thought I would like to drive through Heaven in a long white limousine”. St. Pete said, “I’m sorry, that’s the one thing that we can’t grant”. The Pope said, “I understand”…
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Yasser Arafat, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a Psychic about the date of his death. Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future she finds the answer: “You will die on a Jewish holiday.” “Which one?’” Arafat asks nervously. “It doesn’t matter,” replied the psychic. “Any day you die, will be a Jewish holiday.”
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I Know a blonde that was so stupid that….. she called me for my # she spent 20 mins. looking a the O.J. bottle b/c it said “concentrate” she put lipstick on her forehead b/c she wanted to make-up her mind she tried to drown a fish If you gave her a penny 4 her thoughts you’d get change under “education” on her application she put “Hooked On Phonics” If she were to speak her mind she’d be speechless she…
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The church’s gardener had just finished cleaning the courtyard of a large accumulation of pigeon droppings when another flock landed on the statuary in the garden. Furious, he began yelling at them “Fuck off, you bastards, fuck off!” Just then, the pastor came out and, hearing how upset the gardener was, said to him, “There’s no need to use profanity, my friend. Just wave your arms and say ‘Shoo, birdies, Shoo, birdies. You’ll see, they’ll fuck off.”
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Miss Jones was involved in an affair with her boss, Mr. Smith. Unfortunately, the relationship had reached the point where Miss Jones felt that she was simply being used as a girl toy, so she found a new job and went to tell her boss that she was quitting. “Mr. Smith,” she said, “I’ve found a new position.” Mr. Smith replied, “Great, let’s try it!”
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