Hy Jokes - page 78

Finding the Wife

A couple went shopping at the mall. They decided to go their separate ways when the husband realized his wife was gone for several hours and didn’t meet him at their appointed meeting place. Tired of looking for her, he decided to sit by a beautiful blonde on the mall bench. He smiled and offered to light her cigarette and said, “Talk to me…Quick!!!” She said, “Why?” “Because everytime I am talking to a beautiful woman, my wife appears!”

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How do you draw….. boobs!

Have you ever wondered how you draw breasts on the computer? You know how to draw faces =) asses (_|_) and animals O3“““ ~~~~~(_____*> but NO ONE can draw boobs. So I’ll show you. (o)(o) Perfect breasts (+)(+) Fake silicone breasts (*)(*) High nipple breasts (@)(@) Big nipple breasts 00 A cups {O}{O} D cups (oYo) Wonderbra breasts (^)(^) Cold breasts (o)(O) Lopsided breasts (Q)(O) Pierced breasts (p)(p) Breasts with tassels \o/\o/ Grandma breasts ( – )( – ) Flat…

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The Crowded Train Ride

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the lower bunk, the man on the top. In the middle of the night the man leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you but I’m cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.” The woman leans out and says in a…

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The Witty Nun

Three men once went to the most important baseball game of the season. They were disappointed to find themselves sitting directly behind three nuns as they thought they couldn’t be as rowdy as usual. To fix this problem, they decide to try to get the nuns to move. The first guy says (quite loudly), “I’m going to move to California. There are only 100 Catholics there.” The second guy catches on and states, “I’m going to move to Wisconsin. There…

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Belgians and brains

A Dutch friend told me the following nationalistic joke, which is portable to any in-group/out-group situation. It’s best told with some physical illustration on the part of the teller: Two Belgians are digging a deep hole while a Dutch foreman stands at the top of the hole and gives them orders. The slightly more intelligent Belgian asks, “Why are we digging while he stands up there and does nothing?” “I dunno,” says the slightly less intelligent Belgian, and climbs up…

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American Justice

A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against …get this …fire! Within a month, having smoked his entire stock of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in ‘a series of small fires’. The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason…

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A Theory for Beer Drinkers

The Buffalo Theory: A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as…

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THE ORTHODOX RABBI

Debra, a beautiful Jewish girl was raised in a Strictly Orthodox home. She became engaged to Richard, a Gentile boy who agreed to convert to Judaism and to be married in the temple of Debbie’s parents. Richard had so many questions about the forthcoming ceremony that Debbie arranged for him to meet Rabbi Schiller who would be performing the marriage. “I’d like Mom and Dad to be seated right down front with all my sisters,” said Richard. “Oh no”, said…

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Parking Loan

A businessman walks into a bank in Boston and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls-Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for…

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