Hy Jokes - page 80

Beauty Make-over

In dire need of a beauty make-over for her new job, Linda went to her salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young lustrous-haired model. She showed the stylist the trendy new cut she wanted and settled into the chair, as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on her thinning, graying hair. Linda was delighted by his cheerful attitude until she recognized the melody, that is. It was the theme from “Mission Impossible.”

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Read JokeBeauty Make-over

Language Barrier

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, “You”re in charge of sweeping.” To the Irishman, he says, “You”re in charge of shoveling.” And to the Chinese guy, “You”re in charge of supplies.” He then says, “Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you gusy to make a dent in that there pile.” So the…

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Lawyers and Doctors

Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a physician got on and took the aisle seat next to the two attorneys. The physician kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the attorney in the window seat said,” I think I’ll get up and get a Coke.” “No problem,” said the physician, “I’ll get it for you.” While he…

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Read JokeLawyers and Doctors

The Wisdom of Homer J. Simpson

“Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs.” “Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.” “Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene!’” “Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.” “If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now…

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Read JokeThe Wisdom of Homer J. Simpson

Emergency Call

The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said his friend. “I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?” “Oh, yes, quite serious,” said the doctor, gravely. “Why there are three doctors there already!”

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Ben & Jerry’s Presidential flavours

Ben & Jerry’s new presidential flavors: THE FLAVORS Double Nut Joy Impeach-Mint Subpoenas ‘n’ Cream Chubby Cheatin’ Hubby Candy Pants Chilly Hillbilly Pants-offio Pistachio Horny Bubba Crunch Arkansas Peach Subpoena Butter Cup Peppermint Fatty Captain Cream Tubby Bubba Hillary Chiller Fundraising Coffee Oval Office Surprise Arkansas Smoothie Subpoena Colada Hyperactive Nuts Scandalberry

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Read JokeBen & Jerry’s Presidential flavours