Hy Jokes - page 69

Always Two Jews!!!

A jokester, stifling a laugh, said, “Listen to this: One day Moskowitz and Finkelstein were going to—” At this, Mr. Cohen, who happened to be among the audience, said, “Moskowitz and Finkelstein; Moskowitz and Finkelstein; always two Jews. Why do they have to be Jewish? Can’t you tell the joke with other nationalities involved? Why don’t you make them Chinese for a change? The jokester, sobered and rather embarrassed, said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. Here’s the joke:…

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Things girls think guys should know

1. Don’t ever lie to us, we always find out. 2. We don’t enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening. 3. Don’t say you understand when you don’t. 4. Girls are petty, get over it. 5. You don’t have PMS; don’t act like you know what it’s like. 6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook. 7. If you talk about having a big…

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Hit the floor…..

An elderly woman went to Chicago representing her small church delegation at a religious conference. After checking into the hotel, she entered the elevator to go to her room. When she looked up, she noticed that there were two incredibly large black men in the elevator next to another mid-size black man. Being from a small town and having never been to the big city, the woman was terrified. As the elevator door closed and the woman turned around one…

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Cow Jokes

Q: What do you call a cow that has just dropped its calf A: Decalfeinated Q: What do call a cow with three legs A: Lean beef Q: What do you call a napping bull? A: Bull dozer Q: Why don’t cows like the new round bales of hay? A: They don’t get a square meal Q: What do you call a cow with only two front legs? A: An udder drag

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3 couples at the Pearly Gates

There were three couples at the Pearly Gates. The first one walked up and asked to come in. St. Peter said, “I can’t let you in.” The guy said, “Why not?” He said, “You liked alcohol so much that you married a girl named Brandi.” That couple walked away bummed. The next couple walked up and asked to come in. St. Peter said, “I can’t let you in.” The guy said, “Why not?” St. Peter said, “You liked money so…

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DEEP THOUGHT BUMPER STICKERS

KEEP HONKING WHILE I RE-LOAD TAXATION WITH REPRESENTATION ISN’T MUCH BETTER MY WIFE SAYS I DON’T LISTEN TO HER. I THINK THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID. YOUR KID MAY BE AN HONOR STUDENT BUT YOU’RE STILL AN IDIOT IF YOU CAN READ THIS, I CAN HIT MY BRAKES AND SUE YOU. IS A GRUNTLED EMPLOYEE THE OPPOSITE OF A DISGRUNTLED EMPLOYEE? WHEN SIGN-PAINTERS GO ON STRIKE, WHO PAINTS THEIR PICKET SIGNS? WHAT ARE PREPARATIONS A THRU G? WHY ARE THERE BRAILLE…

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The Proxy Father

The Smiths had tried for years to have a child, and not having had any luck, they decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon”. Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the bell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come…

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