Hey man Jokes - page 32

In recent news… Discovery…

German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass, and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber net. Israeli scientists…

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PEPSI challenge

An airplane shipment full of Pepsi had a malfunction flying over the continent of Africa and went down. It took a few weeks for the Pepsi Company to send a three man rescue team. While searching the area they found a tribe of cannibals. Asking the Chief of the tribe if he knew anything about the crash, the Chief replied “We ate the crew and we drank the Pepsi.” The rescue team was shocked! A team member asked “Did you…

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Permission to Spend Money

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly, a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: “Hello?” “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” “Yes.” “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?” “What’s the price?” “Only $1,500.” “Well,…

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Murphy’s Laws Of Combat

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you. 2. Incoming fire has the right of way. 3. Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire. ( For this reason aircraft carriers have been called “Bomb Magnets.”) 4. There is always a way. 5. The easy way is always mined. 6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. (Trivia devotees will recall the sudden disappearance of rank and distinctive caps on the uniforms worn by Soviet officers in…

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Heaven’s Test Questions

Little Johnny died and went to Heaven. He waited in a long line at the Pearly Gates until he was the only one left. St. Peter asked Little Johnny if he was ready to take the test for admittance into Heaven. Little Johnny said, “Sure.” “OK,” said St. Peter. “First question. How many seconds are there in a year?” “Well, there are 12,” said Little Johnny. “How did you come up with that?” “Well, there is the second of January,…

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No lettuce

A lady goes to the store to get some lettuce but they don’t have any. She goes to the manager and jumps all over him about how she is sure he has some in the back of the store. The manager listens patiently then says, “Lady take the c out of carrots and what do you have?” She replies, “arrots.” He says “Now take the p out of potatoes and what do you have?” She says, “otatoes.” “Now,” he says,…

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Debbie Doesn’t Do Donald

While Debbie is having last-minute discussions with the caterer for her wedding reception, she takes her mother aside and asks her to buy a long lacy black negligee, and to pack it carefully in her suitcase for the honeymoon trip to follow. Unfortunately, Mom has so many other arrangements to take care of that she forgets Debbie’s specific requests, buys a short pink nightie, and throws it into the suitcase. Because Debbie and her bridegroom Donald have not been intimate,…

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The Octopus

A guy walks into a bar with his pet octopus under his arm. The bar is halving a “folk music” night, so most people have brought along their musical instruments. The guy with the octopus makes an announcement, “I bet $200 my octopus can play ANY musical instrument you offer him!” Straight away, this guy walks up with an acoustic guitar and hands it to the octopus. The octopus grabs the guitar and rips into a flawless display of Flamenco…

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Cattle Ranch

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. “It’s the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it.” She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office…

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Guyness Quiz

Guyness Quiz Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to: a.…

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