F word Jokes - page 25

I Can’t Believe They Said That!

Dan Quayle: “potatoe” A Massachusetts politician was accused of attacking and cursing another politician during a local meeting. The first politician was quoted in the local paper, “I did not attack anyone or say a single cuss word, and anyone who says I did is a damn liar.” Bill Clinton in 1992: “I will have the most ethical administration in the nation’s history.” Romanian minister on homosexuality: “We can’t legalize homosexuality. Half of the country will become homosexuals.” Bill Clinton…

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Gambling

A fellow was about to enter a bar when a dog said to him, “Hey, mister! Wanna make some quick money?” The man couldn’t believe his ears. He said to the dog, “Can you talk?” “Yeah,” the dog answered, “and that’s how we can pick up some easy money. You take me into the bar with you, pretend I’m your dog, and bet everybody I can talk.” The fellow thought that was a great idea, so he took the dog…

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What’s Yours is Ours

At a small parish in rural New England, there lived a priest and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray. She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.” The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property…

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Aussie Radio Show

on day on qfm (queensland fm) there was a phone in contest if you could use a word that isn’t in the dictonary in a setence then you win 2 weeks in la so this man phones in and says my word is gaan the radio host checks and it isn’t in the dictoinary so the bloke say his sentence “gaan F**k yourself the host hangs up and says no rude words please so another bloke phones up and says…

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George W. & Moses

George W. is walking in the airport when he sees a man with a long white beard and long white hair. George W. walks up to him and asks him if he is Moses. The man doesn’t say anything and keeps on walking away. George W. is puzzled and catches up with the old man and again asks him if he is Moses. The old man looks at him, then walks away even faster. Now, George W. is really getting…

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Dwarf???

The class was playing a spelling game when the teacher asked for a word beginning with ‘A’. Johnny shot his arm into the air and blurted out ‘Asshole’. The teacher warned Johnny not to use such language again. She then asked for a word starting with ‘B’. Again Johnny shocked the class as he exclaimed ‘Bastard, miss.’ The teacher suitably repremanded Johnny and continued on. She decided to skip ‘C’ as she could imagine what Johnny would say. ‘D’ was…

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Top 10 things I resolve to avoid this year

10. Playing Santa at the Center for Bladder Control. 9. Operating a band saw after drinking a 12-pack of beer. 8. Attending All-you-can-eat buffet at Taco Bell the night before that big job interview. 7. Licking red-hot projector bulbs. 6. Midnight ocean swims after attending a crack party. 5. Clicking web links labeled “Your Internet Portal To Hell!” 4. Downloading Fran Drescher MP3 files. 3. Slicing tough, frozen bagels with razor-sharp steak knife, not an FDA-approved bagel slicing device with…

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Gender Differences

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item that he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future … until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. To be happy with a man,…

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in the jungle

It was a hot humid day in the African jungle. Elephant got word that tiger needed to talk to him. Thinking this was very weird because tiger never talked to anyone, he went any way. Elephant arrived and said, “What seems to be the trouble?” Tiger replied, “You know I have the worst luck with marriage.” “Oh ya why,” said elephant. “Because my first wife left me and my second one won’t.”

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