F word Jokes - page 11

ALERT! The Work Virus

There is a new virus going around, called “work.” If you receive any sort of “work” at all, whether via e-mail, internet or simply handed to you by a colleague…DO NOT OPEN IT. This has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open “work” or even look at “work,” have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly. If you do encounter “work” via e-mail or are…

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History of Giving the Finger

History of ‘Giving the Finger’… Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the use of their middle finger, they would be incapable of fighting in the future using the longbow. This famous weapon, the longbow, was made from the native English Yew tree. The act of drawing the longbow was known as “plucking the yew” (or “pluck yew”). Much to…

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Irish Quiz Answers

Some classic answers from Irish radio Just-a-minute quiz. Actual answers given to the bould Larry Gogan (Irish Radio Presenter). 1) Something a blind man might use? A Sword 2) A Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon 3) Name the Capital of France? F 4) Name a bird with a long neck? Naomi Campbell 5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar 6) Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital…

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Courtroom quotes :)

Unbelievable, but these are from a book called “Disorder in the Court.” These are things people actually said in court, word for word: Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. ————————————————— Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ————————————————— Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your…

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Over 50 Ways to get rid of Blind Dates

1.At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it. 2.Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table. 3.Wipe your nose on your date’s sleeve. Twice. 4.Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions. 5.Repeat every third third word you say say. 6.Give your claim to fame…

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Clinton mounts operation in Serbia

Editor-looks like this one hasn’t reached you yet ___________________________ Clintons Operation Vowel Drop CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO SERBIA and BOSNIA Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of Yugoslavia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless…

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The History of F

Top Ten Times in history when using the “f” word was appropriate: 10) “What the f**k was that?” – Mayor of Hiroshima 9) “Where did all these f**king Indians come from?” – Custer 8) “Any f**king idiot could understand that.” – Einstein 7) “It does SO f**king look like her!” – Picasso 6) “How the f**k did you work that out?” – Pythagoras 5) “You want WHAT on the f**king ceiling?” – Michaelangelo 4) “I don’t suppose it’s gonna f**king…

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Billy the Clint

Billy The Clint. Remake of and inspired by one of the previous JOWs called “Billy the Kid” Young Billy wanted to be the best, quickest lover in the World, and when he spotted Casanova having a beer in a bar, he asked if he could have a word with him. “Sure, son, what’s on your mind?” asks Giacomo, looking up at the young man. “Sir, I want to be the best and quickest lover there is, and I’d be in…

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Evil Brothers

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and looked to be perfect Christians. Then their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers’ deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly. All of a…

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The 25 Things I’ve Learned In Life…

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time. 3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor. 4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. 5. You should never say…

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