Eye to eye Jokes - page 20

Sisters of Mercy

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: SISTERS OF MERCY -HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES. He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says: SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying:…

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Here’s looking at you

An extremely well endowed receptionist was primly seated at the front desk of a leading provider of Internet services and help. As was the policy of the Company – there were no dress codes allowed. Knowing that she might be able to attract a future husband in this well situated position and knowing that she would not be chastised for her appearance, she elected to wear a rather low cut blouse when she was at work. One day a very…

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Blonde calls home

There was this young blonde away from home in a foreign country, and she wanted to call her grandmother back in the US. Because of the country’s crappy economy, the blonde had to go to a large communications center to make the call. Upon arriving she asked a man working there how much a call to the US would cost. He responded, “The call will cost $200.” Being low on money, the blonde questioned if there was any other way…

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Mother Says NO!

At the checkout line, a small boy and his mother were having a problem. The child was crying and begging for some special treat. He wants some candy or gum, and his mother won’t let him have any. At least that’s what I thought. Then I heard his mother’s reply. “No!” she said, looking the child squarely in the eye. “You may NOT have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!”

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Reluctant Juror

According to tradition, the guilty cannot be hidden. Think of the fellow who wanted to be dismissed from jury duty. He tried every excuse to no avail. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. “Your Honor,” he said, ” I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man over there with those beady eyes and that twisted smile and I said…

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Why did the chicken…(political version 2000)

Why DID the chicken cross the road? VICE PRESIDENT GORE: I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them. GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH: I don’t believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let…

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God Created Woman…

One day, after a near eternity in the Garden Of Eden, Adam calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem.” “What’s the problem, Adam?” God replies. “Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me. You have surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I am lonely.” “Well, Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a woman for you.” “What’s a woman, Lord?” “This woman will…

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Technology for country folk

Technology for Country Folk… 1. LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter. 2. LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood. 3. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove. 4. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk. 5. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood. 6. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood. 7. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood. 8. HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time. 9. PROMPT: Whut…

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Kids Say the Darndest Things

Frank phones his wife Angie at ten to five and tells her he’s bringing his boss home for dinner. Angie is furious that she’s had no time to prepare but when Frank and his boss arrive, she has miraculously made a marvelous veal marsala, with pasta, chianti and a spinach salad. She’s even managed to shower, change into a dress, and get their little six-year-old daughter, Stephanie, looking clean and pretty. As they are seated at the dining room table,…

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Read JokeKids Say the Darndest Things

missing dog

Help! My dog has been missing, here is a brief description: Has fleas, mange and really bad breath; Runs on 3 legs (lawnmower accident) Blind in one eye (bowhunting accident) Cropped tail Recently castrated Answers to the name of “Lucky”

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