Eve Jokes - page 64

Man On Beach

A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on a beach when these three beautful women walk past and notice him. One of the beautiful women felt so sorry for him and askes, “have you ever been hugged?” The man replied, “no” and the beautful woman bent over and gave him a hug. Then the second girl askes, ” have you never been kissed?” The man begins getting really exicited and replys, “No, never!” and the girl bent…

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your mama

your mama so old, she blows powdered milk out her titties. your mama breath so bad, every time she breathes her teeth duck. your mama so funky she had to cut the strings off her tampons to keep the crabs from bungee-jumping.

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A New Italian Opera!

CLINTON TRAGEDIO AMERICANO (Program notes translated by Rodgers Wood) Cast of Characters: Bill Clinton, tenor – philandering President of the United States Hillary Rodham Clinton, soprano – his long-suffering wife Monica Lewinsky, soprano – a conniving little White House intern Ken Starr, basso – puritanical special prosecutor Henry Hyde, basso – a true believer congressman Linda Tripp, contralto – double-crossing friend of Monica’s Paula Jones, contralto – a wild woman from Arkansas Sam Donaldson, baritone – a television news reporter…

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Fine Compliment

Bob was sitting at the table one morning, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player known for his lack of IQ. He turned to his wife and said, “I’ll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.” She replied, “Why, thank you, Dear!”

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Hidden Meanings

Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on The Reply: ———- Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge…

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Me Ow!

Q: What is the difference between an old cat and a little kitty? A: An old cat will bite and scratch, but a little pussy never hurt anybody.

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Come join the party Father Celestain

(this joke is written and told by a true COON-ASS so if you can spoke like a true CAJUN you guna like dis one real good. (DONT WORRY ABOUT THE SPELLING!!!) ONE TIME, FATHER THIBODEAUX WAS JUST ABOUT TO GIVE HIS TALK AT HIS CHURCH. HIS CHURCH IS USUALLY FULL, HOWEVER, DIS TIME, THERE WAS ONLY TWO OLD WOMEN IN THE PEWS. FATHER THIBODEAUX TOLD THE TWO OLD LADIES TO HOLD ON, HE WAS COMING RIGHT BACK. FATHER THIBODEAUX WENT…

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50 Fun Things to Do in a Mall

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the fountain. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. 4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents. 5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream ‘MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!’ 6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD…

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Bad day for a Blonde

This blonde receptionist is at work when the phone rings. The manager sees all this and thinks nothing of it until she starts sobbing and crying her pretty blue eyes out. “What’s wrong? What’s wrong?!” her boss frantically asked. “That was my father, my mother just passed away last night,” she sobbed. “Gee whiz Buffy, that’s too bad. Would you like the rest of the day off to grieve?” “No, I’ll be alright, I just need to stay busy and…

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Hiss and Pop

Hiss & POPA guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud “hiss-pop” noise. “The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,” explains the guide. “The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of thenipple.” Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes…

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