Eve Jokes - page 210

Cheapest Long Distance

Classmates at college were lamenting the high cost of long distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI and Sprint. “I’ve found CTC to be the cheapest plan around,” offered one student. “CTC? I’ve never heard of them. Who are they?” “Oh, you know,” he responded. “Call Them Collect.”

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A Sweed in Chinatown

I was in Chinatown just the other day; walking around trying to find an ATM. Needless to say, I was utterly lost and all those signs around me in foreign languages were of no help. On top of everything, I was hurrying to escape the suffocating, foreign odors emanating from the numerous restaurants and alleys. I turned a corner hoping to catch a breath of fresh air when my eyes sighted a store sign that read “Hans Olafsen Laundry.” How…

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Wisdom of Solomon

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble that they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom, decreed, “I’ll hear from everyone, starting with the oldest first.” The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

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Golfing Challenge

A young man, who was an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man. Not being able to say “No,” he allowed the old gent to join him. To his pleasant…

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new friend!!

A man and woman went on a holiday to Spain together. They got an apartment just by the beach, but it had one problem. Everyday, a skunk would turn up outside the door of the apartment. The couple hated the skunk at first but by the end of the holiday they had grown attached to it. The man suddenly came up with the idea to take the skunk home. He asked his girlfriend about this. “We won’t be able to…

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Clinton’s trip to Africa

President Clinton was being entertained by an African leader. They’d spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. “The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette.” President Clinton frowned. “Russian roulette’s not a very friendly game.” The African leader smiled. “That’s why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our…

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Coming to grips with illness

A man goes to his doctor for a check up and the doctor says:- “I don’t know how to tell you this, but you’re going to die, and you only have six months left.” When the poor bloke gets home, he tells his wife he has AIDS and only has six months to live and goes out for a beer. He gets pissed up and tells all his mates he has AIDS and only six months left. Two days later…

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Blonde & Sheep

A blonde dyed her hair jet black so that people would think she was smarter. It seemed to work. People treated her with more respect, and she even felt smarter. To celebrate, she took a drive in the country. She spotted a field full of sheep, and got out to take a look. She found the farmer and said, ” These things are so cute, and soft. What are they?” “Uh, they’re sheep, miss,” he replied. “If I can tell…

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Startling Statistics

The following company has a little over 500 employees with these statistics: *29 have been accused of spousal abuse *7 have been arrested for fraud *19 have been accused of writing bad checks *117 have bankrupted at least two businesses *3 have been arrested for assault *71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit *14 have been arrested on drug-related charges *8 have been arrested for shoplifting *21 are current defendants in lawsuits In 1998 alone, 84 were…

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