Dis Jokes - page 4

Displeased Sultan

A sultan is bored with all the jugglers and clowns, so he warns his servant, “Unless you find some good entertainment for me tonight, it’s off with your head!” The man is terrified, but he vows he will not fail. Day turns to night, and it’s time for the show. “Well what have you got for me?” the sultan booms. “Tonight, Sire,” squeaks the servant, “we have a man who will make love to a dozen women before your very…

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Paycheck discrepancy

A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he’d been given. “This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,” he said. “I know,” the owner said. “But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained.” The contractor said. “Well, I don’t mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to…

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Who discovered America?

The teacher is giving the class geography with a globe. She askes Peter if he can point out North America. Peter turns the globe for a few seconds, then answers correctly. “Very good, Peter,” the teacher praised. Then, turning to another boy, she asked, “Johnny, who discovered North America?” To that Johnny answers, “PETER!”

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Cheapest Long Distance

Classmates at college were lamenting the high cost of long distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI and Sprint. “I’ve found CTC to be the cheapest plan around,” offered one student. “CTC? I’ve never heard of them. Who are they?” “Oh, you know,” he responded. “Call Them Collect.”

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How to Discern the Sex of Babies

Two babies were in their cribs, when one baby said to the other, “Are you a little girl or a little boy?” “I don’t know,” replied the other baby giggling. “What do you mean, you don’t know?” said the first baby. “I mean I don’t know how to tell the difference,” was the reply. “Well, I do,” said the first baby chuckling. “I’ll climb into your crib and find out.” He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby’s crib, then…

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Disgusting Records

Share your knowledge of these “world records” with your friends, relatives and associates during dinner: MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July, 1991. LONGEST PUBES Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her vagina. MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina. (This isn’t all…

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Discipline

Little Jimmy was always a troublemaker in school, and he had been kicked out of every public school in town except one. His mother was exasperated with Jimmy, so she sent him to the last public school telling him if he didn’t behave he’d have to go to private school. Sure enough after one day, the principle called Jimmy’s mother and told her not to bring Jimmy back the next day for school. Jimmy’s mother decided to go ahead and…

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Speaks Perfect Yiddish

These two Jewish men are sitting in a wonderful deli, frequented almost exclusively by Jews in the Jewish section of town. They are talking amongst themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese waiter comes up and, in fluent, impeccable Yiddish, asks them if everything is okay, can he get them anything, and so forth. The Jewish men are dumbfounded. “Where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?” they are both thinking. After they pay the bill, they ask the manager of the store,…

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