Co ed Jokes - page 346

10 Ways To Know Your Employees Wants You Dead!

10. When you find a voodoo doll hanging in the breakroom that looks exactly like you. 9. When you fire an employee and he/she smiles and says “I’ll be back in a minute.” 8. If you find a “get-a-free-hair-cut-while-you-shower” coupon on your dest. 7. When you find framed pictures on the memo board of deranged postal workers. 6. When everyone swears it was a mistake in holding your birthday party at a demolition site. 5. When your employees buys a…

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Travel Joke

A woman wanted to visit Barbados, so she rang a travel agency. “How long will it take to fly to Barbados?” she asked. “Just a minute,” the travel agent said and went to consult his timetable. “Thank you,” said the woman & hung up.

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Actual Air Force Maintenance Statements

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. “Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews. Problem: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.” Solution: “Almost replaced left inside main tire.” Problem: “Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.” Solution: “Autoland not installed on this aircraft.” Problem #1: “#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.” Solution #1: “#2 Propeller seepage normal.” Problem #2: “#1, #3, and #4 propellers…

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Little Johnny Knows The Awful Truth

In school, Little Johnny was told by his classmate that every adult had a dark deep secret and it was easy to blackmail them by just saying, “I know the whole truth.” So, when Little Johnny got home after school, he went straight to his mother and told her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother turned pale and gave Little Johnny $20.00 telling him not to tell his father. Pleased with his new caper, Little Johnny waited for his…

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Falling asleep at work

Things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk: “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.” “This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper” “I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!” “This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!” “Wasn’t sleeping.…

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How to respond to e-mail ads….

You know those “special offers” that “you would be CRAZY to turn down”? Here’s how you might wish to respond to them: —————————————- To Whom It May Concern: Thank you for your recent e-mail to me. It was good hearing from you and reading your advertisement As information, I am a reasonably healthy male, over 40 years of age. If you sent me the ad/offer regarding how I may “enlarge my breasts,” I think I’ll pass, if you don’t mind.…

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Beware of the Bull

Out for a walk one afternoon, I came upon a fence around this cow pasture. On this fence was a sign that stated, “Beware of the BULL.” Now I am not one to doubt the warnings on signs, but it did seem to be a shortcut across the pasture to where I wanted to go. I looked very carefully in every direction and no BULL did I see. Weighing the decision very carefully, it seemed that crossing this cow pasture…

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Religion and Sports

Three men were coming out of an interfaith meeting at their local convention center. One of the men was a Jew, one was a Catholic, and one was a Mormon. They began talking about their respective families and the Jewish man said with smug pride, “I have four sons, one more and I can form my own basketball team.” The Catholic man, not to be outdone, boasted, “Well, my wife and I have been blessed with ten sons. One more…

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The REAL Creation Story

Moses’ account of creation in the book of Genesis is so familiar and so entrenched in our cultural heritage, that many accept as actual historical fact, the assertion that Woman was created from one of Adam’s ribs. Science has railed against such simple beliefs for centuries. Last week at a dig in the escarpments along the western shore of the Dead Sea, archeologists uncovered ancient, original texts that predate Moses’ writings by 1,300 years. Translated, their account of life’s beginnings…

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mountain family

At a cabin way up in the mountains a very large family was seated around a big dinner table and as is customary there was no passing of food. When they wanted something they just stood up and reached for it. Since the table was so long, some of the reaches were pretty far. One of the older boys was sitting at the end and wanted a slice of bread, so he stood up and reached all the way across…

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