Co ed Jokes - page 248

I’ve lost my memory

An elderly couple were having trouble remembering things. The man advised the woman that he thought they should see a doctor. Both agreed and went to the doctor. The doctor stated that was no big problem and that it is easily cured. “Get yourself a tablet and when you think of something write it on the tablet.” The couple returned home. Later that evening the man asked the woman if she would kindly get him a glass of ice water.…

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Love Hurts!

A young couple were making passionate love in the guy’s van (you know, shag carpets, big double mattress in the back…all that) when suddenly the girl, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out “Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!” The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off and proceeds to whip the girl…

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Try the old ’standby’ excuse

It’s a beautiful warm spring day and Paula & I are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As we walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes crazy! He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He’s obviously excited, looking at Paula in the sexy dress. Of course,…

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Read JokeTry the old ’standby’ excuse

Sex on a Sunday

A Preacher was concluding his Sunday sermon at the Church of the Ozarks when he said “Before we adjourn to Miss Ida’s fried chicken lunch, I’d like you to feel free to ask me any questions you have.” Miss Daisy, the most beautiful young lady in the congregation raised her hand. “Preacher,” she said, “Is sexual intercourse permitted on Sunday?” “Well I don’t know right off,” replied the Preacher, “but I’ll find the answer right here in the Good Book.”…

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Sadam

Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common? A: They both want to know where the hell all those Tomahawks are coming from! Q: What is the best Iraqi job? A: Foreign Ambassador Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? A: You only have to teach them to take off. Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo? A: B-52…F-16…B-2 Q: What is Iraq’s national bird? A: Duck Q: What’s…

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One of us

An English taxidermist is sweating his way through the Australian outback when he comes across a bar. He staggers in between the beer swilling locals and, in his well educated voice, asks the bartender, “May I have a gin and tonic, please, my good man.” One of the locals says to his mates, “Geez, cobbers, what kind of a fucking man?s drink is that?” Then, turning to the Englishman, “Hey! You! Yes, you, you fucking Pom! Gin and fucking tonic,…

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Top 25 Signs That You’ve Already Grown Up

Top 25 Signs That You’ve Already Grown Up 1. Your potted plants stay alive. 2. Fooling around in a twin sized bed is absurd. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup. 8. You…

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Runaway Child

My husband’s job as theater manager puts him in daily contact with mischievous and runaway children. So, during the holiday rush when a boisterous two-year-old sped by us in a crowded department store, his arm reached down and automatically fielded the child. He led the tot back to his mother, who, instead of being grateful, gave my husband a look of utter disgust. “Look, wise guy,” she said, acidly, “did you have to catch him so fast?”

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Read JokeRunaway Child

Pass the ball

A new kid at school was known to be an outstanding athlete. He knew nothing about football, however. The coach at the high school desired to recruit him for the football team. He approaches the kid with a football in hand and says, “This is a football. Do you think you can pass it?” “Yes,” the young boy replies. “I think I can pass it. If I can swallow it, I think I should be able to pass it.”

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Read JokePass the ball