Co ed Jokes - page 175

Presidents in Oz

The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard. “WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?” Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: “I had a terrible time with Iran, so I’ve come for some courage.” “No problem” says the Wizard, “WHO IS NEXT?” Ronald Reagan steps forward, “Well.. Well.. Well.. I…

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City Slicker

This guy decides to leave the city and become a farmer, so he sold all his possesions and bought a farm. Upon arriving he thought he would need a few animals, so on foot he takes out walking and comes upon a sign that says chickens for sale, so he goes and talks to the farmer. “Well, son, around here, we call them pullets.” So he says, “Give me one.” He goes on until he sees a sign that says…

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sum of a

Pepito is at home doing his Math homework. Pepito: “Two plus five the son of a b**** is seven. Three plus six the son of a b**** is nine”. In that moment, his mother comes in. Mother: “But Pepito, what are you doing?! Why are you saying that?!” Pepito: “I’m doing my Math homework, Mom”. Mother: “And is that what your teacher taught you?” Pepito: “Yes” Next day, the mother, worried about the education her son is receiving, goes to…

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The Lawyer in Heaven

St. Peter greeted two newcomers at the Pearly Gates. One was a pope; the other was a lawyer. He ushered The Pope to a small shack and settled him in to his austere quarters; then led the lawyer to a huge, luxuriously appointed mansion. “I don’t understand,” the lawyer puzzled. “That man was a Pope, and you gave him a shack. And yet, you’ve said I am to live in this luxurious, huge mansion. Why?” “Sir,” said St. Peter. “We’ve…

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To the Top

There was a pheasant sitting on a branch,trying to get to the top of the tree, but just didn’t have the energy to get to the very top. He looked down and there was this bull right below him at the base of the tree. The bull looked up and could see the frustration in the pheasant’s eyes, and said, “Whats Wrong?” The pheasant told him he needed to get to the top, but just didn’t have enough strength. The…

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Glad to Be a Woman

I’m glad I’m a woman, yes I am, yes I am. I don’t live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam. I don’t brag to my buddies about my erections. I won’t drive to Hell before I ask for directions. I don’t get wasted at parties, and act like a clown. And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down! I won’t grab your hooters, I won’t pinch your butt. My belt buckle’s not hidden beneath my beer…

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ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION

Plez compleet the follwin best ya can: Name: (_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-George (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson Last Name: (If unsure of spelling, write it out the way it sounds) (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Un-employed Spouse’s Name: __________________________ Second Spouse’s Name: __________________________ Mistress’s Name: __________________________ Second Mistress’s Name: __________________________ Number of times you have…

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Shoebox in the Cupboard

This priest is rusing around the house looking for his white collar before church. While looking in the linen cupboard he finds this shoebox, when he opens it he finds 3 eggs and $100. The next day he asks his wife what it was all about. She replies, “I didn’t want to tell you before because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” The priest starts wondering what it can possibly be that would hurt his feelings, and the wife…

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Piss Head

A man is in a bar and he walks up to the bar and says to the bartender “I’ll bet you $50 that I could piss into that shot glass blind folded”. The bartender thought that this was an easy way to pick up some money so he agreed. He got out the glass and a blindfold and the man stood on the bar to pee. Naturally, the man didn’t get his piss into the glass but all over the…

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Hell’s not so bad

A young man died somewhat before his time in a motor accident, and found himself in Hell. He sat in a hot ante-room surrounded by swirling sulphurous gases as he gloomily awaited his fate. He’d heard all the jokes. “OK lads, tea break’s over, back on your heads.” Being forced to listen to a continuous Barry Manilow tape. The electrodes on the goolies. It made him shiver. Finally Satan arrived, detected the young chap’s demeanour and said, “Hey, why so…

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