Co ed Jokes - page 122

Positively not

Once a teacher walks into class and says, “Today we are going to be talking about meanings of positive and negative words together in different languages.” So he says, “For example, you can put a negative and a negative together in Russian and it will mean a negative. The same can be done in English, or you can put a positive and a negative and mean a negative like ‘of course not’.” Then the professor remarked, “But never can you…

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75 Things NEVER To Say To A Man With A Small Penis

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it’s cute. 3. Stop fingering me. 4. I’m sorry. 5. Who circumcised you? 6. Why don’t we just cuddle? 7. You know they have surgery to fix that. 8. It’s more fun to look at. 9. Make it dance. 10. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that. 11. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 12. It looks like a nightcrawler. 13. Wow, and your feet are so…

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Clinton in hell

PRESIDENT CLINTON DIED AND WENT TO HELL. AT THE GATE HE WAS MET BY THE DEVIL. THE DEVIL SAID, “YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES ON HOW YOU WILL SPEND ETERNITY. THE FIRST BEING YOU CAN RULE YOUR OWN WORLD. THE SECOND IS YOU CAN BE THE ONLY MAN IN A WORLD OF WOMEN.” THINKING OUT LOUD, PRESIDENT CLINTON SAID, “WELL I RULED THE WORLD AS PRESIDENT, BUT EVERY TIME I TRIED TO GET A PIECE OF ASS, KEN STARR HAD TO…

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58 things a Woman should never say to a Man

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it’s cute. 3. Who circumcised you? 4. Why don’t we just cuddle? 5. You know they have surgery to fix that. 6. It’s more fun to look at. 7. Make it dance. 8. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that. 9. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 10. It looks like a nightcrawler. 11. Wow, and your feet are so big. 12. My last boyfriend was 4″…

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3 Little Indians Go To School

When the new school year started, the history teacher was so excited because there were three little American Indian boys in her class. She was beside herself with excitement. So she asked the first little Indian boy to stand up and tell the class what tribe he was from and how he knew this. The little boy stood up and proudly threw out his chest. Then he took his fist and hit it on his chest. He said in a…

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Mushrooming

While hiking in the countryside, my friend, Eva, and I spotted a huge bed of mushrooms that we knew to be edible. We gathered a large basketful and sauteed them that night. My husband, Dick, refused to eat them, thinking they might be poisonous. Two weeks later, Eva and I gathered some more mushrooms. This time, Dick joined us. “How is it that you’re eating the mushrooms tonight,” I asked, “when you wouldn’t touch the ones we brought home two…

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Lil Johnny wants a new Bike

Little Johnny was so rotton that his mother didn’t know what to do with him. It was getting close to his birthday and he was demanding a new bicycle. His mother told him that he had been so bad during the year that he wasn’t going to get ANYTHING. He whined and complained and stamped his feet–demanding the bike. His mother, in desperation and just trying to shut him up, said, “Why don’t you write a letter to Jesus and…

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THE BRA

A couple of old fraternity brothers, Skip and Chip, now in their 40’s, would meet after work every week at their country club for a tennis game while their wives, Babs and Poopsy, played golf. On this particular day, the boys were in the locker room changing out of their business suits into their tennis clothes when Skip removed his shirt. Chip noticed that Skip was wearing a brassiere. “Ahhh, Skip”, said Chip, “if you tell me it’s none of…

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If Men Truly Ran the World…

If Men TRULY ran the world: 1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get ’em next time” would pretty much do it. 2. Birth control would come in ale or lager. 3. Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. 4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you’d get the day off to go drinking. Mother’s Day too. 5.…

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SNEAKY SNAKE

This really happened in 1976. A woman saw a snake slithering across her kitchen floor and screamed for her husband. Husband comes running out of the bathroom and stepped on the dog. Husband gets down on the kitchen floor to look for the snake. Dog comes up behind and as his cold nose touches the husband he faints thinking it is the snake. Wife calls paramedics who rush to the scene and load husband onto stretcher. Snake decides to make…

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