Bu Jokes - page 78

Shocked Mailman

A mailman was on his usual route when he delivered a package. After ringing the doorbell, a little boy answered. The mailman needed a signature so he asked the little boy if his mom was home. The little boy replied, “Yes, but right now she is out back fucking a goat.” The shocked mailman asked the boy if that bothered him but he only replied “naa-a-a-a-ah.”

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Space,the moon,and the sun

It is the year 1998.The US, Russia and Poland were at a huge international space meeting in Moscow. The US gets up on the stage, so they tell about their space program. “We have accomplished alot in space technology,we have had men on the moon,we have sent up many satellites.” They go on about the program for about 30 minutes. Then it’s Russia’s turn,so they get up there and tell about their program. “Well, we have sent men to the…

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Youve got mail

A blonde walks outside opens her mailbox, slams it shut, and storms back inside mad. The guy next door can’t figure out what that was all about. Five minutes later she does the same thing and the guy still can’t get it so he goes outside to wait for a third time. Three minutes later she does it again and the guy asks her, “Why do you keep running out here opening your mailbox and then storm back in?” The…

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Little Johnny’s Reward

This voluptuous young blonde owns a small hairy dog that goes by the name of Titswiggle. She adores the dog so much that she treats it as one of the family. One day, after coming home from work, she discovers her beloved dog has run away from home. Frantically she goes around the neighborhood searching every nook and cranny and calling out her dog’s name. She is so desperate that she resorts to knocking on the doors of her neighbors’…

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Alabama Math

The owner of a golf course in Alabama was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, “Ya’ll graduated from the University of Alabama. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?” The secretary thought a moment, then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”

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What Price Pork

There was this Rabbi in a small town, and he was really curious about why so many people ate pork. He wanted to try some, but there was nowhere in town he could go and not be seen. One weekend, he made an excuse and traveled to a distant town, went into a restaurant and ordered the first pork item on the menu. While he’s waiting for his order of pork, the president of his congregation walks in. He sees…

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Panda defined

A panda is walking down the Main Street when he is approached by a “Lady of the Night”. She says, “Hello darling, would you like a nice time?” The Panda says, “Um, yes why not?” So they both go back to the lady’s apartment. She makes a fabulous dinner, with every dish imaginable, provides drinks, plays good music. The inevitable happens. They go to bed and have a really great night. In the morning the Panda gets up, has a…

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Bathroom Lessons

Mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers: 1. Open your fly. 2. Take out your equipment. 3. Pull back the skin. 4. Do your business. 5. Let the skin forward. 6. Stow your equipment. 7. Close your fly. She did check on him often to see if he had learned the lesson, and heard 1,2,3,4,5,6,7. She was very happy until one day she checked and heard 3-5, 3-5, 3-5.

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Early Warning Signs of Stupidity

1. When you’re playing the piano, you frequently lose your grip on the bow. 2. You go to bed and accidentally fluff up your head. 3. You’re absolutely convinced nostalgia is a thing of the past. 4. You go to bed and purposely fluff up your head. 5. You purchase season tickets to the Super Bowl. 6. You have trouble picking your shadow out of a crowd. 7. You’ve caught yourself waving “Goodbye” instead of “Hello” when answering the telephone.…

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Advice to Northerners..ya’ll

“This is to hep yu’all who don’t have the plesur of livin in the sunny South, which is sometimes covered in ice! Those who do, will wunder why these wus ever wrote down in the furst place.” Sayings in the South: “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. “It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.” “Have a cup of coffee, it’s already ‘saucered and blowed.” “It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.” “My…

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