Bu Jokes - page 73

The Contractor

A contractor was working on a house and a little boy was watching him when he dropped his hammer. He asked the boy to hand it back to him and the boy said, “My dad has two hammers and when he drops one he uses the other.” Well, he never said anything to the boy and went back to work. A few minutes later he dropped his screwdriver and asked the boy to hand it back to him and the…

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Consider it Blessed

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the Rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn’t need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was…

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Vacation

A man walked in to Joe’s Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks “What’s up?” The man proceeds to explain he’s taking a vacation to Rome. “ROME?!” Joe says, “Why would you want to go there? It’s a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You’d be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?” “We’re taking TWA,” the man replies. “TWA?!” yells Joe. “They’re a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight…

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Wishing Well

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too far, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for awhile, but then smiled and said, “It really works!”

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Signs That You are Too Drunk

Signs That You are Too Drunk You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream. Career won’t progress beyong Senator from Massachusetts. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. Sincerely believe alchohol is the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case- coincidence?…

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5 really bad pick up lines

5. I’m not the best looking guy but I can do it all night long. 4.Your daddy must be a farmer, cause those are some great melons. 3.Is that your real hair? 2.You have hair like a lioness. I could be your lion king. 1.Baby you have teeth like a beaver. Would you like to naw on my log?

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sex change

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice the girl knew just as much about the game as themselves, and are really impressed. After the game they asked her, “How is it that you know so much about baseball?” She says, “Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change.” The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. “What was the most painful…

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Blind man’s RUBBER…

This man, his wife, and their EIGHT children, and a blind man, were waiting at the bus stop one day. The bus came, the wife got on, then the eight children one, by one. The two men had to walk because there was no more room on the bus. The family man, and the blind man are walking along and the constant tapping of the blind man’s cane REALLY started to annoy him. So he said to the blind man,…

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Vacation in Vegas

Three buddies from the plant take their wives to Las Vegas for a week’s vacation. The guys take in all the strip shows while the wives play in the casinos, and they all have a wonderful time. When they get home, the guys meet in the plant cafeteria for coffee on Monday morning. Jack says “I been up all night. Brenda kept yelling ‘7 come 11’ in her sleep.” “Same here” says Bob. “Nancy was dreaming about blackjack and kept…

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Guess What I Learned Today, Mommy!

One afternoon, a little girl excitedly approached her mother and announced that she had learned where babies come from at school that day. Amused, her mother replied, “Really, Sweetie? Why don’t you tell me all about it?” The little girl explained, “Well…OK…the Mommy and the Daddy take off all their clothes, and the Daddy’s thing sort of stands up, and the Mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sorts of explodes, and that’s where babies come from.” Her…

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