Bill and al Jokes - page 11

What Would I Be?

A Sunday School teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. “All right, children, let’s take another example,” she said. “If I were to get into a man’s pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?” Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, “You’d be his wife!”

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Read JokeWhat Would I Be?

Expensive advice

Two members of a country club, one a doctor, the other a lawyer, were having dinner in the lounge overlooking the golf course. Midway through the meal, a lady who was a patient of the doctor, left her table and came over to the doctor. “I’m sorry to interrupt your dinner, Doctor,” said the woman, “but I’ve had a terrible headache all day.” “Well,” said the doctor, “I can’t really say what the problem is offhand, but you should go…

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Read JokeExpensive advice

The dangerous dog

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My wife,” the man replied. “I’m sorry,” said Bill, “What happened to her?” “My…

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Mega Novice #1

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. How much total cash did he get from the drawer? $15. (If someone points a gun at you and…

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Read JokeMega Novice #1

You MIGHT be a Yankee if….

…You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY! …The sound of Fran Drescher’s voice doesn’t bother you. …For breakfast, you’d rather have potatoes than grits. …You can name at least 4 hockey teams. …You don’t know what a moon pie is. …You’ve never eaten Okra. …You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show. …You don’t have any problems pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce” correctly. …You’ve never had grain alcohol. …You are familiar with all the rules to Lacrosse. …You have no…

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ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll…

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More ‘Why aren’t you married yet?’ COMEBACKS!

“I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.” “Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.” “My co-op board doesn’t allow spouses.” “I’d have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.” “They just opened a great singles bar on my block.” “I wouldn’t want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.” “I guess it just goes to prove that you can’t trust those voodoo doll rituals.” “What? And lose all the money I’ve invested…

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Read JokeMore ‘Why aren’t you married yet?’ COMEBACKS!

Chelsea’s Wisdom

Vice President Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make someone very happy.” Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, “Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy.” Hillary tosses her perfectly coifed hair and says, “Of course, then, I could throw one hundred $1.00 bills out the…

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Unable to follow directions????

Follow these directions exactly! Does Bill Gates have a problem we don’t know about?? Or does he actually has a sense of humour..?? 1. Open a new document in WORD 2. Type “Unable to follow directions” (without the quotes) 3. Highlight the entire sentence you just typed 4. Click Tools; Thesaurus (or hit shift-F7 to open the thesaurus)and then read out the result…

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Read JokeUnable to follow directions????