Bill and al Jokes - page 8

Bill in the Barn

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore are driving through the country when suddenly their car breaks down. They then walk to the nearest farm where the farmer offers them a room for the night. Unfortunately, there is only room for two people to stay in there so says that one of them will have to sleep in the barn. Al Gore offers to sleep in there. At about midnight there is a knock on the door. Al is standing…

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Why did the chicken do it? Finally, some ANSWERS!

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what “they” call it the “other side.” Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes…

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The Bus, The Doctor, The Onlooker And The People In The Bus.

In a very crowded bus, one busy Monday morning, a passenger unable to resist an urge releases it silently, but the smell gets so bad that the people in the bus had to get out. The passengers, who were very annoyed asked the driver to send off the person responsible for the stinking act, but they were unable to point out who it was since everybody was accusing somebody. The accusations became very unorganised and the commotion attracted a big…

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Did They Really Say That?

Commentary by Ernest Murray “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” – Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann. “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” – A senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh. “You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.” – Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach. “That’s so when I forget how to spell…

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IF MICROSOFT WAS IN ALABAMA

1. Their #1 prodict would be microsoft winders. 2. Instead on an hour glass icon, you’d get an empty beer bottle. 3. Ocassionally you’d bring up a winder (window) that was covered in a hefty bag and duct tape. 4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of “Ahh-right” “Naw” or “Git” 5. Instead of that annoying “Ta-da” sound you’d get dueling banjos. 6. The recycle bin would be an outhouse. 7. The winders (windows) theme song would go something…

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Bill’s Rash

While undressing for bed one night, good ole Bill notices something like a red rash around his you know what. Alarmed, he thinks, “I can’t let Hillary see this!” He makes an appointment to see his doctor at Bethesda Naval Hospital, the very next day. “Doc,” he says, “I’ve got this red ring around my, you know. What is it and how do I get rid of it?” The doctor says, “Well, I’m not exactly sure what it is, but…

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Sadam and Clinton’s Dreams

Sadam called President Clinton and said: “Bill, I called you because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of American, and it was beautiful, and on top of every building, there was a flag.” Clinton said, “Sadam, what was on the flag?” Sadam said, “Allah is G-d, G-d is Allah.” Clinton said, “You know, Sadam, I’m really glad you called because last night I had a dream, too. I could see all of Bagdad, and it…

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Ballad of John & Lorena Bobbit

THE BALLAD OF JOHN AND LORENA BOBBIT (sing to the theme of the Beverly Hillbillies) Come and listen to my story of a man named John, A poor ex-Marine with a little fraction gone. It seems one night after gettin with his wife, She lopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife. “Penis, that is,” “Clean cut, missed his nuts” Well the next thing you know there’s a Ginsu by his side. And Lorena’s in the car takin’…

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Clinton And The Pope

Former President Bill Clinton and Pope John Paul II both die on the same day, and by some error, the Pope gets sent to hell, while Bill Clinton goes to heaven. Eventually, it’s been learned that there’s been a mistake. So Clinton has to get on the down escalator going from heaven to hell, while the Pope goes on the up escalator from hell to heaven. (Of course it’s an escalator.) Clinton sees the Pope and says, “Your Excellency, how…

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Bill Clinton Statue Committee

Bill Clinton Statue Committee 1040 Buffoon Street Little Rock, AR 72205 Dear Friend: We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for raising 5 million dollars for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the hall of fame in Washington, DC. This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was not wise to place it beside George Washington, who never told a lie, nor beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth,…

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