Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time. 3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor. 4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. 5. You should never say…
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Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is William Jefferson Clinton and I’m the President of the United States. And right now I’m going trough some minor legal problems that you may or may not have heard about, and these legal problems are probably going to force me out of office sooner or later and that got me thinking the other day. When I’m out of office I’m going to need some sort of steady income to support my family,…
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This gay guy was coming home from the bar one night and couldn’t score. As he was walking home, he saw a drunk bum passed out on a bench. He thought, “Hmm, better than nothing.” So he did his business and left the guy a $5.00 bill. The next morning when the bum woke up he found the $5.00 bill and went to the liquor store and said, “Give me a $5.00 bottle.” The next night the guy and a…
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Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the smirking male clerk. “That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly, leaning forward to receive his “payment.” The girl snapped up the…
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1. If the enemy is in range, so are you. 2. Incoming fire has the right of way. 3. Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire. ( For this reason aircraft carriers have been called “Bomb Magnets.”) 4. There is always a way. 5. The easy way is always mined. 6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. (Trivia devotees will recall the sudden disappearance of rank and distinctive caps on the uniforms worn by Soviet officers in…
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1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat) 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. 11. Contractions aren’t necessary…
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A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote: “I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?” An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, “I’ve been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I’ve…
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One day at Little Bastard Elementary school, the children were at class in Mrs. Little’s class. She told the class that there was to be a special type of quiz that day and if you got your question right, you could go home early. “Alright class, who said ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country’?” Little Suzy rose her hand and answered John Kennedy, so she was dismissed. “Now, who…
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An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer’s mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return I expect to see it completed.” Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the…
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Three midgets went to the world guniess book of records to be entered for the smallest extremities. The first midget for his hands. Upon exiting he exclaimed, “I’m in!” The second midget went for the size of his feet. Upon exiting he exclaimed, “I’m in!”. The third midget went for the size of his penis. Upon exiting he exclaimed, “Who the damn hell is Bill Clinton?”
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