Ants Jokes - page 39

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results: Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool. Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass. Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy. Drink: Mixed Drinks Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what…

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One day a man put his father in a rest home. His father didn’t want to be there but just to please his son he would stay there for a while. The first morning the old man woke up with a boner and immediately after he woke up a beautiful nurse pulled down his pants and started to give him the best blow job he’d ever had. As soon as she was done she cleaned up and left without saying…

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A student sits for an English examination. He solves the first two question. While solving the third question, he starts to remove his clothes. First his shoes, then his socks, then then his shirt and pants. Another student sitting behind him was disturbed by his behaviour. He asked him, “Hey! Why are you removing your clothes?” He replied, “That’s what the third question says.” The other boy asks, “What’s the third question?” He answers, “Answer in brief. “

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You Know You’re In Trouble When … … Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich. … Your suggestion box starts ticking. … Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3. … You make more than you ever made, owe more than you ever owed, and have less than you’ve ever had. … The simple instructions enclosed aren’t. … People send your wife sympathy cards on…

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1. If you pay dues on a tatoo. 2. If you’ve been on the news five times explaining what the tornado did. 3. If people often come to your door thinking you were having a yardsale. 4. If you mow your yard and find a car. 5. If you hear the term “modem” and think of what you did to your roses last week. 6. If you see a sign that says “Say no to crack” and it reminds you…

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10. “Just reach in and grab the giblets.” 9. “Whew…that’s one terrific spread!” 8. “I am in the mood for a little dark meat!” 7. “Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.” 6. “Talk about a HUGE breast!” 5. “And he forces his way into the end zone!” 4. “She’s 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down.” 3. “It’s cool whip time!” 2. “If I don’t unbutton my pants, I am going…

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