Aim Jokes - page 17

Politics

Bill’s Confession to Chaplain, Air Force One

The Chaplain on Air Force One tells the President, “Sir, the Captain has just told me he’s losing control of the plane. We’ll probably crash. Is there anything you want to share with the Lord?” “Well,” Bill says, hesitantly, “I was intimate with your wife in the Oval Ofice when you were out of town.” “Sir, respectfully,” the Chaplain replied, “everybody already knows that part of your character. Is there a REAL SIN you want to share before we crash?”…

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Religious

Water Power

The new preacher, at his very first service, had a large pitcher of water and a glass on the pulpit. By the time he had made it through his long-winded sermon, he had finished off the entire pitcher of water. After the sermon, an old woman approached the new preacher. “Young man,” she exclaimed, “you’re the first windmill I’ve seen that’s powered by water!”

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Funny Stories

An Errant Knight, Indeed!

A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting. “How are we faring?” asks the king. “Sire,” replies the knight, “I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west.” “What?!” shrieks the king. “I don’t have any enemies to the west!” “Oh!” exclaimed the embarassed knight. “Well, you do now…”

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Funny Stories

Divorce: Disney Style

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are getting a divorce after several years of marriage. When they are standing before the divorce court, the presiding judge gives his ruling on Mickey Mouse’s divorce petition. The judge says, “Mr. Mouse, I’m afraid I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie Mouse.” “What? How come, your Honor?” asks a surprised Mickey Mouse. “Well, there is nothing in your petition for divorce to support your claims that Mrs. Mouse is crazy.” explains the judge.…

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Golf

golf etiquette

Three guys, a father, son, and grandfather go out to play a round of golf. As they are on the way out to the first tee they are joking, bullshitting, and cussing, very much the men’s day out. Just before the son is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman walks up carrying her clubs. She says that her partner didn’t show and asks if she can join them. The guys say sure, since she is a really beautiful…

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Blonde

Death Row

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are all on death row. The brunette is taken into the execution room. The executioner asks her if she has any last words. She said no. He aims the gun at her and she yells “snowstorm!” And everyone runs away and she escapes. The redhead is taken into the room and asked if she has any last words. She says no. The executioner points the gun at her and she yells “tornado!” Everyone…

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Funny Stories

Math in Everyday Life

Three men were sitting on a park bench, a biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician. They saw two people walking on the opposite side of the street and into an apartment building. Later on, the two people walked out, but with a third person with them. This puzzled the three men. “The first two must have reproduced,” explained the biologist. “That’s not right,” objected the physicist, “there was already another person in the building.” “You’re both wrong!” exclaimed the mathematician.…

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Ethnic Cultural

What did you say?

A list of actual English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong: 1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way. 2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep. 3. Gun wounds again? 4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin. 5. A normal person wouldn’t steal pituitaries. 6. Damn, I’ll burn you into a BBQ chicken! 7. Take my advice, or I’ll spank you without pants. 8. Who gave you the nerve to…

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Medical

Mystery Roses

Smith goes to the doctor. He has a string hanging out of his ass. The doctor says that this is most unusual. “I don’t know what to make of it. I have no diagnosis. Perhaps we should just pull the string and see what happens.” The learned doctor proceeded to pull the string. He pulled and pulled, and out came a dozen long-stemmed American Beauty roses. “My God,” proclaimed the doctor, “I’ve never seen that before. Where do you suppose…

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Religious

Love Hurts!

A young couple were making passionate love in the guy’s van (you know, shag carpets, big double mattress in the back…all that) when suddenly the girl, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out “Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!” The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off and proceeds to whip the girl…

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