Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
“I’ll get a world record for this.” “It’s fireproof.” “He’s probably just hibernating.” “What does this button do?” “You’re under citizen’s arrest!” “Bull! You’re not a REAL cannibal.” “It’s probably just a rash.” “Are you SURE the power is OFF?” “Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?” “The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!” “Pull the pin and count to WHAT?” “WHICH wire was I supposed to cut?” “I…
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You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom and stop to check your E-mail on the way back to bed. You name your children “Eudora,” “AOL” and “Dotcom”. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap, and your CHILD in the overhead compartment. You decide to stay in college for…
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At the gates of Heaven, St. Peter is waiting for each soul that enters. It was a slow day, but finally, someone arrives at the gates. Peter looks the guy over and asks, “How long were you married and how many times did you cheat on her?” The guy looks proudly at Peter and says, “In all the 25 years I was married, I never once cheated on my wife.” Peter smiles and says, “Because of that, you get to…
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One day dad decides to take his boy for a ride in the car, so they leave and as they are driving down the road, dad starts smoking a joint. The boy asks his father if he can have a hit and the dad asks, “Can your dick reach your ass?” and the boy says, “Well, no” and the dad says, “Alright then.” Little while later they stop in at a gas station and dad picks up a 6 pack…
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Three men are the sole survivors of a shipwreck and become stranded on a desert island. Several years after they land, a bottle washes up on the beach. The first man, an Englishman, grabs the bottle and rubs it – and out pops a genie. “I am the genie of the lamp. I am allowed to grant 3 wishes. Because there are 3 of you, you are allowed 1 wish each.” The Englishman thinks for a bit and says, “I’d…
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Dear Santa: You must be surprised that I’m writing you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have happened since the beginning of the month! (While full of hope, I wrote you a letter.) I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I absolutely wrecked my brain studying all year! Not only was I first in my class, but I…
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A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating-looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. “Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing,” she said. “So would I,” replied the technician. “It’s a floor-cleaning machine.”
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Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. “So how was it?” his mother asked when they returned home. “Great,” Little Johnny replied. “Did you and your father have a good time?” asked his mother. “Yeah, Daddy especially liked it,” exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!”
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With the Christmas season approaching, please look into your heart to help those in need. Hundreds of National Basketball Association players in our very own country are living at or below the seven-figure salary level. And, as if that weren’t bad enough, they will be deprived of pay for several weeks- possibly a whole year as a result of the current lock-out situation. But now you can help! For only $20,835.46 a month, about 694.50 a day (that’s less than…
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Three old men in a convalescent hospital are shooting the breeze when the seventy-year-old one exclaims: “You know, if I had just one wish, I’d wish that I could take a nice long piss.” The eighty-year-old man said: “Well, I only wish that I could take a nice long shit.” The ninety-year old man replies: “Boys, every morning at 7:00 a.m. sharp, I take a nice long piss, then every morning at 9:00a.m. sharp, I take a nice long shit.…
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