Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Stumpy Grider and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said, “Ya know Mahtha, ah’d like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane.” And every year Martha would say, “Ah know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs…and ten dollahs is ten dollahs.” So Stumpy says, “By Jeebers Mahtha, I’m 71 yeahs old, if I don’t go this time I may nevah go.” Martha replies, “Stumpy,…
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Things Learned from Children For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, think of this as birth control. 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house, 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3.…
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Sam sees the postman once a week, and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace and quiet. After 6 months or so of almost total isolation, he’s finishing dinner one day when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded Vermonter standing there. “Name’s Enoch… Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge… Having a party Saturday… Thought you’d like to come.” “Great,” says Sam, “after 6 months of this I’m ready…
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A new priest saying mass for the first time was so nervous that he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor told him that he appeared nervous but that he had some advice for him. He told the new priest that he always puts a glass of vodka next to the water glass. ?If I get nervous I drink from that glass? the Monsignor told the priest. The following Sunday the priest…
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A guy walks into a bar, approaches the bartender and says: “I’ve been working on a top secret project on molecular genetics for the past five years, and I’ve just got to talk to someone about it.” The bartender says: “Wait a minute. Before we talk about that, just answer me a few questions. When a deer defecates, why does it come out like little pellets?” The guy didn’t know. The bartender then asks, “Why is it that when a…
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A grandmother was surprised by her seven-year-old helper early one morning. He had made her coffee! She drank what was probably the worst cup of coffee in her entire life. And when she got to the bottom, to her utter amazement, there were three little green, army men in her cup. Puzzled, she asked, “Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?” Her grandson answered, “Grandma, you know how it says on TV, ‘The best part of waking…
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there was a blonde working at a burger king and everyone made fun of how dumb she is. so one day she decided she will memorize and the state capitals. so she stood up all night memorizing them. the next day they were once again making fun of her. “oh yeah the blonde replied. “i stood up all day and remebered the state capitals. go ahead try me.” so they ask her one question. “what is the capital of Oaklahoma?”…
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A man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.” “What’s the problem?” the doctor inquired. “Well, I’m 35 years old, and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.” “My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and…
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A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks her what she’s doing and she replies, “I went to the doctor today and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old.” “Oh yeah?” the husband says, “What did he say about your 50 year old ass?” “Frankly dear, your name didn’t come up in the conversation.”
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This guy was in a place where monks live and he heard the monks talking about some secret. When he went to ask what the secret was one monk replied, “I cant tell you, you’re not a monk.” So about a year later the man comes back as a monk and asks, “What’s the secret?” The monk replies, “It’s through that door.” So the man tries to open it but it’s locked, so he gets the key and opens the…
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