Yea Jokes - page 21

NFL Announcement

The National Football League has announced that the Washington, D. C. franchise will no longer be known as the Washington Redskins. The National Association for the Advancement of Native Americans in a separate announcement took credit for the change, and promised to intensify their efforts to get the Atlanta Braves and Cleveland Indian baseball franchises to do the same. This is result of the combined efforts of Indian groups with other civil rights groups culminating in success after a five…

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50 Reasons to be a Woman

1.Free drinks. 2.Free dinners. 3.Free movies (you get the point). 4.You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you’re gay. 5.You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU’RE gay. 6.You know ‘The Truth’ about whether size matters. 7.Speeding ticket? What’s that? 8.New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. 9.You never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned in high school. 10.If you have sex with someone and don’t call them…

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Courtroom Disruptions

A man is standing trial for the alleged murder of his wife. The presiding judge is reading the charges to the accused. The judge reads, “You are hereby accused of first degree murder for killing your wife by crushing her skull with a hammer…” Just then a male voice from among the courtroom spectators says, “Bloody bastard!” The judge pauses to see who has said that and then he resumes, “How do you plead?” The accused says, “Not guilty, your…

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Words of Wisdom

There was a nun whose worn out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day to relax her. Not to be lured into “worldly pleasures,” she huffily declined. But the Mother Superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day. After a few more years, even that spiked milk couldn’t help, and the aged sister approached her final hour. As…

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The Old Lady

Recently, a 93 year old woman’s husband passed away at the old age of 91. The two were very close and she hated every second she lived without her husband. In fact, she was so depressed that she came to the decision that she wasn’t going to live either and that she’d kill herself to be with her husband. She wanted to make sure that she did it right so that she wouldn’t screw up and become a lemon and…

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Pop n’ Fresh

Veteran Pillsbury spokesmodel “Pop n’ Fresh” died last week at age 71 due to a severe yeast infection. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The gravesite was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima gave the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who “never knew how much he was kneaded.” Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers.…

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Border Patrol

One day at the Mexican-American border there was a Middle-aged Latino pushing a wheelbarrow across the country line when a border patrol officer stoped him. “Stop!!! BorderPatrol!!!” Said the officer. “What is it?” asked the weary mexican. “What ya got there padre?” spoke the officer. “Notting.” “Nothin’, huh?” said the man in the uniform. “Let me see.” “Iss’ jost’ sand” “Yeah, right.” The officer looked….Nothing, just sand. So this goes on and on for days and days,months and months. Then,…

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Little Johnny and Susie

Little Johnny and Susie are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Susie’s father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says, “Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.” Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, “Well Johnny, you…

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Who said women don’t bash men??

Laws for women to live by: 1. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers. 2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door. 3. If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all up there. 4. Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone. 5. Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature…

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Senior Moment

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting at that park for every sunny day for over 12 years, chatting and enjoying each other’s friendship. One day, the younger of the two ladies turns to the other and says, “Please don’t be angry with me, Dear, but I am so embarrassed. After all these years, what is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can’t.” The older…

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