Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
One day a woman’s phone rang and it was her church preacher asking her to bring a pet to church. So on Saturday night, she went to the pet shop to buy a parrot to teach it to pray. She found one and bought it. She brought the bird home and tried to get it to talk, but it wouldn’t. The next day she woke up and got ready for church. She looked out the window and said, “God damit!…
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Thursday’s Schedule for the new Fall Television season: NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30 Girlfriends 9:00 One Guy with Several Female Friends 9:30 My Gay Friends FOX 8:00 Real Humans in Real Pain 8:30 Feral Dingoes Eating Children on Tape 9:00 Jiggle It Beach 9:30 LA Chicks 10:00 Beverly Hills 90210: The 90,210th Episode UPN 8:00 The Unwatchables 8:30 Voyage To The Bottom Of The Ratings 9:00 Theoretically Existing Show 9:30 Praying For Syndication 10:00 The Last Thing You’d Ever Want To…
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If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps outward to squirt blood 30 feet. A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (Lucky Pig!) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing!) Humans, whales and dolphins are the only species that have sex for…
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One day this old man goes to the doctor and says: “Doctor I don’t know what’s wrong, everywhere I touch it hurts. The doctor asks the old man to show him. The old man takes his finger and starts to poke himself af various places on his body. The doctor noticed that everytime the old man poked himself, he would grimace with pain, so he proceded to take some X-rays. A short while later, the doctor returns with the results…
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An assistant to British Field Marshall Harold Alexander once commented on his habit of tipping into his Out tray any letters remaining in his In tray at the end of the working day. “Excuse me, sir,” he asked. “Why do you do that?” “It saves time,” explained Alexander. “You’d be surprised how little of it comes back.”
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A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The president was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little…
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Top ten sign’s your at a Redneck wedding… 10. Rehearsal dinner held at hooters 9. Instead of friends of the Bride, friends of the Groom, Usher’s ask Ford or Chevy 8. Bride’s maid’s pink tub top’s, Bride’s Groom’s Travis Tritt T-shirt’s 7. Phrase “i do” replaced with phrase “I herd dat!” 6. The “Wedding March” song performed by Hank Williams Jr. 5. Minster asked “Who giveth this woman to be married” some guy in the back stand’s up and yell’s…
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Two convicted murderers, who were sentenced to die by lethal injection on the same day, were led to the room where they would meet their Maker. The last rites were performed by the priest, the formal speech was given by the warden and the final prayers were said by the participants. Turning to the first man to die, the warden solemnly asked, “Son, do you have any last request?” “Yes sir, I do,” replied the condemned man. “I love dance…
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Hello! Sorry, I can’t come take your call right now. ALL MY CHILDREN are YOUNG AND RESTLESS, so I have to SEARCH FOR TOMORROW and today to find them. I am praying that the GUIDING LIGHT will remind them that the DAYS OF OUR LIVES are growing short. They will wind up in GENERAL HOSPITAL with only ONE LIFE TO LIVE, even if I do think they are BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL, if they’re not careful. And if they don’t straighten…
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A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, “I had an affair with a woman – almost.” The priest says, “What do you mean, ‘almost’?” The man says, “Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.” The priest replies, “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.” The man leaves confessional, goes over and…
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