Woman one Jokes - page 40

Marriage

1. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always. 2. It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. 3. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. 4. A man was complaining to a friend: “I had it all – money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; Then, Pow! it was all gone!” “What happened?” asked the…

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Stroke

“It’s happened,” cried the bishop in anguish as he sat playing bridge one evening with some charming people. “What’s happened?” asked the young woman next to him. “A stroke! My left side is paralyzed.” “Are you sure?” asked the young lady. “Yes, yes,” groaned the bishop. “I’ve been pinching my left leg for the past few minutes and feel no sensation whatsoever.” “Relax,” said the young lady. “That was MY leg you were pinching!”

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Oh, Dear!

There was a woman doing a report on Native Americans. The topic was going to be about the feathers that they wear. She went to the village and started looking around and decided to start with an Indian with just one feather in his headdress. “Excuse me sir, but why do you have one feather in your headdress?” asked the reporter. “Me Brave, me screw one squaw,” replied the Indian. A little discouraged the lady went to an Indian with…

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The REAL Creation Story

Moses’ account of creation in the book of Genesis is so familiar and so entrenched in our cultural heritage, that many accept as actual historical fact, the assertion that Woman was created from one of Adam’s ribs. Science has railed against such simple beliefs for centuries. Last week at a dig in the escarpments along the western shore of the Dead Sea, archeologists uncovered ancient, original texts that predate Moses’ writings by 1,300 years. Translated, their account of life’s beginnings…

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Dating Terminology

ATTRACTION The act of associating horniness with a particular person. DATING The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future. EASY A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man. EYE CONTACT A method utilized by a woman to communicate to a man that she is interested…

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3 women

There were 3 women at a bar and they were arguing over which one of them was the loosest. The first woman said, ” My husband can stick two fingers up me.” The second woman said, “Oh, big deal, my husband can stick his whole fist up me.” Then the third woman slid down the bar stool.

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What if I’m caught?

I once asked my wife, “What would you do, if you came home one day, and caught me in bed with another woman?” She thought a moment and replied, “Why, I’d be so angry, I probably break her white cane and shoot her guide dog!”

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Caught

One day a woman came home to find her husband in bed with another woman. She was furious. The husband saw her and asked to explain: “As I was coming home from work I saw this woman on the side of the road freezing. I brought her home and fed her the food that I made. You didn’t want it because it wasn’t perfect. Then I gave her one of your shirts and a pair of pants you never wear…

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boys vs. girls

An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day passing an 8 year old girl’s house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can’t resist taunting the girl. He holds up his football and says, “See this football? Football is a boys’ game, and only boys can have a football.” The little girl runs into the house and cries to her mother, “I want a football.” Being a woman of the 90’s, her mother…

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