Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Bill Clinton and the Pope both die on the same day. Clinton goes to heaven and the Pope goes to hell. Upon their arrivals at their respectful destinations the Pope begins to argue with Satan that there must have been a mistake. After checking the computer the devil comes back and tells the Pope that there was a mistake and that he should get on the UP escalator as soon as a replacement can be found in heaven. Shortly thereafter…
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This old man of eighty years goes to the doctor and says, “You know, doc, when I was twenty and got a hard on I could push on it with both hands and I couldn’t even bend it… When I was thirty and got a hard on I could push on it with both hands and I could just barely bend it…. Now that I’m eighty and occasionally I get hard I can push on it with only one hand…
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Fred knocks on his friends door. The wife answers and he asks, “Is John home?” She says, “No, but come on in and wait, he should be home anytime.” She offers him a beer and after about 3 beers, John still hasn’t shown up yet. Fred says, “Hey I’ll give ya a $100 if I can see one of your tits.” Well, she thinks, “Boy that would help with the rent. So she pulls up her shirt and flashes him…
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A man was driving down a quiet country lane when, out into the road, strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car with a cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and knocked on the door. A farmer appeared. The man, somewhat nervously, said, “I think I just killed your rooster. Please allow me to replace him.” “Suit yerself,” he replied. “The hens are ’round back.”
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True story. Some years ago, we had been getting lots of wrong numbers late at night for this particular bar whose number was similar to ours. After being rudely awakened from a sound sleep for the third time that night, my husband got up yet once again to answer the phone. “Hello.” “No, Betty is not here. She just left with Joe about 10 minutes ago!!!” Click.
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EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not. CROSSEYES: Looks into next urinal to see how other guy is hung. TIMID: Cannot piss if someone is wastching, flushes urinal, comes back later. INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink. CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor. FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down, and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug. WORRIED:…
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One poor old fellow is driving along one day and has a really bad car accident… he wakes up in hospital and can only see out of one eye… the doctor looks at him and say “I’m sorry, but we had to replace one of your eyes… with a rounded piece of rimu tree” So when he gets out of hospital his mate comes round and tries to cheer him up by taking him to the bar. When they get…
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The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned office insignias. “Well, Ensign, it’s history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you’re valuable, BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you’re twice as valuable, so we give you two silver bars.” “As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral,…
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An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give a speechs to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience. The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing his chest and then his groin. When he finished the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing. “Well,” he explained” By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated…
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Back in the early 60’s, a young fellow walked into a talent agent’s office and said he wanted to break into show-biz. The agent said, “O.K. kid, show me what you can do.” The kid told some jokes, did a little soft shoe, sang a bit, did an acrobatic act with an ottoman and was good enough to impress the agent. “Great kid! Just great!” said the agent. “I can do things for you! I think I can get you…
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