Wit Jokes - page 101

One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, “Now don’t forget to use wooden spoons.” As I stirred my sauce, I contempleted the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Jones to test my theory. “Why wooden spoons?” I asked. “Because, she replied,…

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these are some different points to ponder: 1. I still miss my ex….but my aim is getting better 2. I want to die asleep like my grandfather….not screaming like the passengers in his car. 3. If women can have pms, men can have espn. 4. If American mothers feed their children with small forks and knives, what do Chinese mothers use….perhaps toothpicks?? 5. 5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions.

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A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveing at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair–there were plenty of other cars around me going just as…

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16) Child comes home without glasses claiming to have lost them in a game of “Lord of the Flies.” 15) Your son thinks making hand-puppets requires a paper bag, some waterpaints, and no pants. 14) “OK, kids! Gather ’round the pentagram for sing-a-long time!” 13) Potty training involves a lighter, a clip and rolling papers. 12) First school fund-raiser is for the Salman Rushdie fatwa reward prize. 11) No student has ever jumped from Mary Margaret’s School for the Gender…

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While down South on a visit, the young Yankee made a date with a local lovely. When he called for her, she was clad in a low-cut, tight-fitting, long dress. He remarked, “That’s certainly a beautiful dress.” “Sho ‘nough?” she asked sweetly. “It sure does,” he replied.

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The owner of a small travel agency saw an attractive couple gazing at his travel posters. Suddenly inspired, he ran up and told them his idea. “I’ll give you an all-expenses-paid vacation in exchange for appearing in ads endorsing my agency.” They agreed on the spot. Three weeks later he met them at the airport. While the man checked on their baggage, the travel agent asked the woman about the trip. “The food on the cruise ship was wonderful,” she…

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A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, “Mommy, I have to pee.” The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. From now on when you have to ‘pee,’ just tell me that you have to ‘whisper’.” The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his Father and during the service said to his father, “Daddy, I have to whisper.” The Father…

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