What on earth Jokes - page 14

Goldfish Burial

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Tim?” “My goldfish died,” replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your stupid…

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Bubba Claus

As you know, I have been delivering presents to good boys and girls for several centuries, but after bypass surgery last Spring, I feel that I can no longer visit every home on earth in the early hours of Christmas morning. Accordingly, I have asked a distant cousin on my father’s side if he would assume some of my responsibilities by visiting the homes in the southern USA, as he is from the deep South himself…actually the South Pole. His…

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Frolic In The Sun

We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon. The warm breeze was full of that earthly, musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and quiet whispering of the leaves in the Weeping Willow overhead added the final touch to the most romantic scene. We lay there, both naked, I knew I had to have her and have her now. Without a word being spoken, I managed to…

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The Letter

One day God was just sitting on his throne out of his mind bored. So he got one of his Saints, St.Paul. “Paul, go down to earth and count all of my people, and tell me how many are beautiful and how many are ugly.” It took St. Paul 365 days to complete this task. He went up to God and said,”99% of your people are UGLY and the remaining 1% of your people are BEAUTIFUL.” God said, “WHAT? ARE…

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Top 10 Signs You Have a Drinking Problem

10. “Norm” is what they say when you enter the bar. 9. Two hands and one mouth….Now THAT’S a drinking problem. 8. 24 hours a day, 24 beers in a case … coincidence??? 7. You sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. 5. At an AA meeting you begin: “Hi my name is….uh…”. 4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.…

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PINOCCHIO joke

One day, Jesus and his disciples were walking down the streets of Heaven and Jesus tripped over a old Man. He asked the old man what was the matter. He said when he was alive on earth, he had a son. So Jesus asked him to describe his son. He said that he is very polite and has holes in his hands and feet. ” Father ?!” Jesus said. The old man looked up and said ” PINOCCHIO?!!!”

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