Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced “a typical Texas baby” weighing twenty pounds. “Wow! Twenty pounds!” exclaimed many at the bar, as they congratulated the proud father. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, “Aren’t you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?” The proud father answered,…
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1. Hey baby, why don’t you sit on my lap, and we’ll talk about the first thing that POPS up!!! 2. (motion for girl to come here with one finger), “If I can make you come with this finger, imagine what I could do with all five!” 3. Nice shoes, wanna fuck? 4.If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me? 5. Fuck me if I’m wrong….but haven’t we met before? 6. Do…
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A man was brought into the hospital care ward, put in a bed, had tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted in a similar condition. Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking, etc., for a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say: “Scottish.” The other signaled he had heard, raised his own hand and said: “Irish.” This act tired them out so badly…
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ORIGINAL List (Before she’s 40 years old) 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape 7. Dresses with Style 8. Appreciates the Finer Things 9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises 10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover REVISED List (When she’s 40 years old and beyond) 1. Not too ugly 2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public 3. Works steady 4. Doesn’t nod off while she’s emoting 5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes…
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Q. How many lawyers does it take to roof a house? A. Depends on how thin you slice them. Q. Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? A. Professional courtesy. Q. Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor? A. No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print. Q. How do you know when your divorce is getting ugly? A. When your lawyer doesn’t seem like a bloodsucking leech anymore. Q. What do you call an honest lawyer?…
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1. You’ve sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies. 2. Your company’s welcome sign is attached with Velcro. 3. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket. 4. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes. 5. You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet. 6. Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries’ annual budgets…
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What’s the difference between a man and a boy? His toys are bigger!
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The following are direct quotes taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians: By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it had completely disappeared. She has had no shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.…
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What is the difference between a white fairy tale and a black fairy tale? A white fairy tale begins with, “Once Upon a Time…” and a black fairy tale begins with, “You Ain’t Gonna Believe Dis Shit Muthafucka…”
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One day Tarzan got into a bloody fight with a lion. Although he killed the lion Tarzan lost an eye, his right arm, and his genitals. Jane quickly took him to the friendly witch doctor to see if he could save the Lord of the Jungle. The witch doctor had no human parts to replace those missing so, he improvised. He carefully sewed the eye of an eagle into Tarzan’s skull, the arm of a female gorilla into his shoulder…
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