Wa wa Jokes - page 56

Lunch Time Excitement

Two Texans were having lunch at their favorite restaurant when they noticed a young woman at the next table having trouble breathing. One of the Texans got up, walked over to her table, took her face in his big Texan hands and said, “Kin ya swaller?” She shook her head ‘no.’ “Kin ya breath?” Again she shakes her head ‘no.’ The Texan grabs her around the waist with one of his big Texan hands, turns her over, pulls up her…

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The Blind Firefighters

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!” The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let’s have a word with him.” “Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?” The greenskeeper replied, “Oh, yes,…

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Moon Maiden

An astronaut landed on the moon and after exiting his spacecraft was leisurely exploring the moon’s surface. As he rounded a large boulder he came upon a beautiful girl standing next to a large black cauldron, the contents of which she was stirring with a long spoon. “Hello!” said the astronaut, “I am from the earth. What are you doing?” “Hello,” replied the moon maiden. “I live here on the moon and I am making a baby.” “How interesting!” responded…

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Another Lawyer Bites The Dust

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out…

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One Day at a Chinese Bar…..

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant to find at least a 20 minute wait. “Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?” asked the maitre’d. He goes into the bar and the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The man replies, “Give me a Stoli with a twist.” The bartender stares at him for a few seconds, then smiles and says, “Once upon time, dare were four rittow peegs…”

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A good date

Three girls in college were all out at dates. One was a Brunette, another was a Red head and the last was a blonde. They returned at the same time and the Brunette said, “You know its a good date when your hair is messed up” The red head said “No, you know its a good date when your lip stick is all sumged” The blonde ripped off her panties and threw them against the wall where they stuck and…

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physicist vs engineer

A Physicist and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Physicist leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap,so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Physicist persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains “I ask you a…

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The World is Populated by Idiots

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. 2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. 3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial…

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Who does Jesus think he is?

One day Jesus and Moses are out golfing. Jesus is of course winning and starts to think highly of himself. They get to the top of this one hill on the tenth hole, and Jesus pulls out a five iron, when he should have clearly pulled out a nine iron. Moses walks up to him and says, “Are you crazy, you should be using a nine iron, not that five iron”. “Arnold Palmer would use this five iron”, Jesus replied.…

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Obsessive-Compulsive Study

A Stanford research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 3000 responses about three days after the ad came out. All from the same person!

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