Wa wa Jokes - page 394

The Raven: 2001 Edition

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I websurfed, weak and weary, Over many a strange and spurious site of “hot chicks galore,” As I clicked my fav’rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, And, of course, I was now mourning; mourning for my lost amour, “Tis not possible!” I stuttered, “Give me back my cheap hardcore!” Quote the server, “404.”

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A blonde paints the bedroom

A blond says to her boyfriend, ” Sweetie while you’re out I want to repaint our bedroom” The boyfriend replies, “Ok” When he gets home he finds his girlfriend lying in a pile of sweat wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat. He then asks her, “Why are you wearing two jackets?” She replies, “Well on the paint can it said put on two coats for better results.

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red light, green light

Two men were riding in a car when the driver of the car ran a red light. The passenger, scared of getting pulled over — or worse — warned the driver, “You’d better be careful, you’ll get a ticket!” The driver replied, “It’s okay, my brother does it all of the time.” A little further up the road the driver ran yet another red light and treated it with the same regard as the first. Before the passenger could say…

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Mary Poppins

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to inclement weather she decided to top at a nice hotel for the night. She approached the front desk and requested a room. “Certainly, Madam”, the clerk replied. “Is the coffee shop still open?” she asked. “No, Madam, I’m sorry,” he replied, “but room service is available all night. Would you care to select dinner from this menu?” Mary graciously scanned the menu. “Yes, I think the cauliflower with cheese would be fine,…

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The Stork Family

Once upon a time there was a stork family – papa stork, mama stork and baby stork. One evening papa stork didn’t show up for dinner. Mama stork and baby stork left the food out for him but he didn’t come home at all that night. When papa stork finally did come home the next day, baby stork asked, “Papa stork, where were you last night?” “Out making a young couple very happy,” replied papa stork. Several weeks later, mama…

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offended

A man walks into a bar and yells, “All lawyers are jerks!” Upon hearing this a man at the other end of the bar storms up to the man and belts, “You’ve offended me!!” “Why,” the first man asked, “are you a lawyer?” “No, I’m a jerk!”

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The squirrels

Why did the first squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? It was taped to the first squirrel. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? It thought it was a game.

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An illuminating Experience

A woman was on her way to her annual OB/GYN appt. She was running late, but wanted to freshen up a bit first, so she stopped by her daughter’s place instead of her own since it was closer. She ran into the bathroom, and ran through the customary touch-ups, and finished off with a little feminine deodorant spray. You know…for freshness. Anyway, her examination was pretty unremarkable with the exception of an odd comment the Dr. made at the beginning…

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Sadam and Clinton’s Dreams

Sadam called President Clinton and said: “Bill, I called you because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of American, and it was beautiful, and on top of every building, there was a flag.” Clinton said, “Sadam, what was on the flag?” Sadam said, “Allah is G-d, G-d is Allah.” Clinton said, “You know, Sadam, I’m really glad you called because last night I had a dream, too. I could see all of Bagdad, and it…

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a new job……

Sam got a new job in an all-night, all-purpose superstore. He was there about an hour when a man walked in. “Hello,” said the man. “Hello, what can I get you?” said Sam. “I’d like a packet of nails please.” Sam got the nails, gave them to the man and said, “That’ll be one ninety-nine please”. The man paid the money and left. The Store Manager came quickly over, and hissed at sam. “What were you doing?” “What?” said our…

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