Wa wa Jokes - page 392

Sadie and Yetta, two widows, are talking: Sadie: “That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before an answer I give him.” Yetta: “Vell,…I’ll tell you. He shows up at my apartment, punctual like a clock. And like such a mench, he is dressed. Fine suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from. Then…

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Three smiling corpses are lying in a morgue in a rural Alabama town, and a detective goes into the coroner’s to find the causes of death. The coroner points to the first dead man. “This is Cletus, the Lucky SOB” he says. “He died of shock after winning 20 million on the lottery.” He then moves on to the second smiling corpse. “This is Bubba,” the coroner says with a grin. “He died having oral sex with Trudy-May, first sex…

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A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her basket was filled with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious that she was in a hurry and not happy about the slowness of the line. When the cashier called for yet another price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked, indignantly, “Well, at this rate, I’ll be lucky to get out of here and…

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There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when, all of a sudden, this great big dude comes in and — WHACK! — he knocks him off the bar stool and says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.” The little guy thinks, “GEEZ” but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again. All of a sudden, –WHACK! — the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, “That was a…

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Washington and his men had just finished a big battle and were tired and wounded. They were walking for miles looking for a place to stay when they came upon this very small broken down shack. Washington asked the the man who answered the door if he had room to help some of his men as they were tired and sick. The man said, “As you can see, I only have room for one man.” So Washington picked out his…

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On the first day of school the teacher announces, “To get to know the class better, I’d like each child to tell us their name, what their father does for a living, spell it, and if he were here what would he give the class?” The first boy says, “Hi, my name is Johhny. My daddy is a baker, B-A-K-E-R and if my father was here he would give the class a muffin.” Next girl says, “Hi, my name is…

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Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results: Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool. Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass. Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy. Drink: Mixed Drinks Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what…

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Two smart men (Portuguese) were walking in a farm. One of them saw a “cake” just made by a cow. He said to the other: “I’ll give you $1000 if you eat some of this.” The other agreed, ate some and got the money. After this the man who lost money realised that he could not lose so much money and said: “For such amount I would do the same.” The man who got the money said: “I don’t believe.”…

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