Urn Jokes - page 69

Monkey See

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. “You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up…

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City Slicker

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he’s going to raise chickens. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, “Give me 100 baby chickens.” The co-op man complies. A week later, the man returns and says, “Give me 200 baby chickens.” The co-op man complies. Again, a week later, the man returns. This time he says, “Give me 500 baby chickens.” “Wow!” the co-op man replies. “You must really be doing well!” “Naw,” said the…

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Lawyers as Patients

Four doctors who hadn?t seen each other since their surgical residencies met at a medical seminar. Adjourning for dinner and drinks, they turned their conversation to who makes the best surgical patients: The first said, for sure, electrical engineers. ?You open ?em up,? he contended, ?and everything is color-coded.? ?Nah,? said the second. ?It?s librarians. You open ?em up and everything is alphabetized.? The third scoffed. ?Of course not,? he said. ?It?s accountants. You open ?em up and everything is…

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It’s a Lawyer Joke

There was once a truck driver who would amuse himself by running over lawyers as they walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer, he would swerve to hit him, there would be a loud “THUD”, and then he’d swerve back onto the road. One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. The driver thought he would do a good deed and pulled the truck over. “Where are you…

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Compu-speak

hAS aNYONE sEEN mY cAPSLOCK kEY?? Hey,what does this RESET butto $ not found:(A)bort (R)efinance (D)eclare bankrupcy *system error, strike any user to continue.* (A)bort (R)etry (T)urn off come to bed! (A)bort (R)etry (S)ue. BREAKFAST.COM Halted… cereal port not responding. ERROR: D3F2: Replace user and press any key to continue. Error…error…error…error…err C:\>_ C:\CLINTON\TRUTH.COM not found: (A)bort (R)etry (I)mpeach?

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Golf lessons

A man and his wife took a golfing trip up to Minnosota. Neither of them did very good so they decided to go to golf lessons. The guy went first. The instrunctor told him to grip the clubs like he holds his wifes breasts. He swings and hits the ball 285 yards down the fairway. Then its the womans turn. The instructor tells her to hold the club like she holds her husbands penis. So she swings and hits the…

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Trip to the Doctor

One day this old man goes to the doctor and says: “Doctor I don’t know what’s wrong, everywhere I touch it hurts. The doctor asks the old man to show him. The old man takes his finger and starts to poke himself af various places on his body. The doctor noticed that everytime the old man poked himself, he would grimace with pain, so he proceded to take some X-rays. A short while later, the doctor returns with the results…

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Law Abiding Citizen

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to…

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Skipping Work

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all worked in the same office together. After a few weeks, they began to notice that their boss would slip out unnoticed hours early. One day, the three of them got together and decided that they would leave work early the next day after their boss had left. The following day, after their boss had left, the brunette, the redhead, and the blonde all left and went their separate ways. The brunette went…

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Read JokeSkipping Work