Uck Jokes - page 15

The Little Pirate

It’s Halloween and little Johnny is Trick-or-Treating and is dressed up as a pirate. He comes up to a house and a nice old lady answers the door. The lady looks at Johnny and says, ‘What a cute pirate. Where are your little buccaneers??’ Johnny looks at the lady and says, ‘They’re under my buck’en (F*****G) hat!!’

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City-born Wife

I was driving through the autumn countryside with my city-born wife one day when she shouted, “Oh, look at all those ducks!” I said, “Those are geese, Honey.” To which she sharply replied, “Oh, you can’t tell if they’re boys or girls from here!”

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A man, A woman, and a watermelon

There is this man sitting a the bar when the most beautiful woman he has ever seen walk in. So he pops two tic-tac and walks over to her. “Lets cut the small talk, so your place or mine?” he says She looks at him and replies “Mine.” So he gets into his car and she gets into her car and the go over to her place. When they get up to her apartment he walks in and sees all…

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Alice Kinpipaline

Three nuns died and went to heaven. St. Peter upon seeing them says “You three have been so good that I will allow you to go back as anyone you want.” The first nun says, “I want to go back as Madonna, that woman has fucked everyone,” The second nun says, “I want to go back as Linda Lovelace, now there’s a whore!” The third says, “I want to go back as Alice Kinpipaline!” St. Peter says, “Sorry sister, there…

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12 Days of Christmas

December 14th Dearest John: I went to the door today and UPS was here with a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. With dearest love and affection, Agnes December 15th Dearest John: Today, UPS brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves? I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes December 16th Dear John: Oh, aren’t you the extravagant one! Now…

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Cream

A penguin is driving in the middle of a desert and his car breaks down. Luckily he sees a gas station a little further down the road, so he coasts on in and tells the mechanic something is wrong with his car. Then he goes inside the gas station while the mechanic determines what’s wrong and buys an ice cream. The penguin walks out of the gas station and the mechanic says, “It looks like you blew a seal!” and…

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The Toilet Seat!!

While his wife is away a man decides to take the opportunity to paint the toilet seat. His wife comes home sooner than expected, sits on the toilet seat, and gets it stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to take her to the doctor to get it removed painlessly. She puts on a large overcoat to cover herself and the seat and away they go. When they get to the doctor’s office…

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Read JokeThe Toilet Seat!!

ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll…

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Crossword Puzzle Expert

A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. “This is exciting,” thought the gentleman. “I’ve always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person.” Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pontiff. Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle. “This is…

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