Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him, he said, “I forgot my teeth.” The man said, “No problem.” With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. “Try these,” he said. The speaker tried them. “Too loose,” he said. The…
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Here is a great historical instance of out-of-the-box thinking: The renown British physicist Ernest Rutherford was known as the father of nuclear physics. When he was a professor at an English university, he got a call from a colleague who asked if Rutherford would be a referee on the grading of an examination question. This fellow professor was about to give a student a zero for his answer to a physics question while the student claimed he should receive a…
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A man in a bar said to the bartender, “I’ll bet you a hundred bucks I can bite my own eye!” The bartender, convinced this was impossible, accepted. The man pulled out his false teeth, bit his eye gently with them, and replaced them in his mouth. The bartender was pretty upset, but paid the $100. A few minutes later, the man approached the bartender again. “Look,” he said, “I’ll give you a chance to win that hundred back. I’ll…
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A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She’d made her family’s favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they’d eaten half of it at dinner. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she had cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack…
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A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A rabbi walks over, sits down next to the blind man and hands him a piece of matzoh. A couple of minutes go by, and the blind man says, “Who wrote this shit?!”
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WHAT IF GOD HAD VOICE MAIL We have all learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of modern life. But you may have wondered: what if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing this: Thank you for calling The Lord’s House. Please select from the following options: Press 1 for GENERAL REQUESTS Press 2 for THANKSGIVING Press 3 for COMPLAINTS Press 4 for HEALING Press 5 for HELP WITH THE IRS Press 6 for…
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There was this guy walking down the street, when right in front of him, and coming his way, was his ex-wife. He could not walk across the street; there was just no way to avoid bumping into her and the younger man on her arm. Being startled at the chance meeting, she stammered, “W- well, hello Fred!” He tried a courteous, “Hi Martha! and how have you been sinc–” Bolstering up somewhat, and with pride of her young, blonde, good…
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By now, you’ve probably all seen the new “slogan” that’s gotten every preacher’s attention coast to coast: WWJD, or What Would Jesus Do…. Contemplating that very question, here are some possibilities: 1. Call his Dad. Find out why Dad and Mom never got married. 2. Have dinner with eleven close friends and the one guy he just doesn’t like. 3. Get some sleep. 4. Hang around for a while and catch some sun. 5. Get up early on Sunday, even…
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Rev. Falwell sees news reports that the military allows practicing witches in the Army. Incensed, he calls a top Pentagon general demanding that witchcraft not be tolerated in the military. “Good Christians pray to God for this Country. For all you know, these damn witches are casting Satanic curses.” “Sorry, Reverend…” the General replied, “we just can’t discriminate on the basis of hex!”
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I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: “When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance.”
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