Ting Jokes - page 69

Government Employees

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, paid the bill and bought a soft drink. As he stood by his car to drink his cola, he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep, then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind,…

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Read JokeGovernment Employees

the worst day of my life

For more than an hour the scrawny guy sat at the bar staring down in his glass. Suddenly a burly truck driver loped across the room, sat down next to him and drank the guys drink. The poor fellow burst out crying. “Oh, come on, pal,” the trucker said. “I was joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink.” “No, that’s not it,” the man replied. “This has been the worst day of my life. I overslept, was late for work…

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Hey masturbata!

(sung to tune of the Macarena) by Adam Sandler ************************************* Sitting in my house, and I know that I’m alona, Feeling kinda horny, got a jingle in my bona. Go and grab a Penthouse it’s the one with Sharon Stona. Hey Masturbata!! I go a little faster and its feeling kind of nicea, Once ain’t quite enough so I have to do it twicea. If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advicea. Hey Masturbata!! I use…

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Moving

A guy has a friend who just moved his business. He decided to get a nice bouquet of flowers for his friend as a gift. He called the flower shop, they took his order, and he thought everything was great. Two weeks later, this guy gets an invitation to come to his friend’s open house, celebrating the new location. This fellow goes to the open house and it is packed. Instead of trying to find his friend immediately, the guy…

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Computer joke

If you are not a computer geek, you may not get this one. I built my first pc last week, I am very proud of it. I have a 350 mhz AMD K- 2 cpu, a 100 mhz system board, 512k l2 cache, 64 meg sdram dimms chip, a 6.4 gig hard drive with 512k cache and ultra dma/33, a 40x and a 40x cdrom. I would love to tell you about the performance, but I am still waiting for…

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Religious Thoughts

The other day I went into the local religious book store where I saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car and I’m really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a light at a busy intersection, just lost in thoughts of the Lord and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots…

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Read JokeReligious Thoughts

A Grizzled Old Man

A grizzled old man was eating in a diner at a truck stop when three Hell’s Angels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man’s milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man’s…

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What’s THAT Supposed to Mean???

When WOMEN say…… Yes = No No = Yes I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry. We need… = I want… It’s your decision = The decision I want you to make should be obvious to you by now. Do whatever you want = You’ll pay for it later. We need to talk = I need to complain. Sure, go ahead = You better not if you know what’s good for you. I’m NOT upset = Of course I’m upset, you…

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Chuck’s Nuts

A man walked into a bar with a duck under his arm,and the bartender said”Sorry Sir, no pets allowed.” The man replied”But this is a special duck, this is Chuck the Duck” The bartender was puzzled”why is this duck so special?” The man asked if the bartender had a match,the bartender handed the man a match. The man lit the match and placed it under Chuck’s right wing, and Chuck started singing “Jingle Bells”. The man asked for another match,…

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3 Hells Angels and a Straightforward Nun

Three Hells Angels are sitting at a table in a transport cafe when in walks a nun who takes a seat next to them and begins to eat. Astonished, one Hell’s Angel says, “I went to my parents’ wedding last week and we all got shit-faced.” The nun continues to eat even though she obviously has heard the exchange. Being quick on the uptake, the second one says, “My dad says he will marry my mother next year.” Despite this,…

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Read Joke3 Hells Angels and a Straightforward Nun