Ting Jokes - page 63

Two female potatoes standing on the corner … Which is the prostitute? The one shouting: “I da ho”

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1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter…

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Pregnant with our third child and experiencing morning sickness, I was resting on the living room couch. Workmen were doing some minor repairs in the house. As one walked by, I explained, “Don’t mind me. I’m in my first trimester.” “Oh,” he said. “What’s your major?” Realizing he didn’t know his biology and not wanting to embarrass him, I replied, “Oh, I guess you could say ‘Early Childhood Development.’”

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A middle aged woman is on the operating table for bypass surgery when she has a near-death experience. She is floating above the room and sees God. “Excuse me, God,” she says, “Is this the end?” “Oh no, my dear,” says God. “You have another forty years to live.” When she recovers, she decides to remain in the hospital for a complete makeover, knowing she’s going to be around for another forty years. She gets a face-lift, liposuction, tummy tuck,…

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Martin was being interviewed for a new job. The person conducting the interview wanted to find out something about his personality, so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?” Without hestitation, Martin responded, “The living one, of course!”

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U.S. actress Sharon Mitchell, heroine of the X-rated film “Captain Lust,” once experienced difficulty getting a check cashed at a New York bank because she didn’t have her driver’s license or other means of identification with her. She did, however, have a magazine containing a nude picture of herself. Handing the magazine to the teller, she lifted her sweater up to her chin and struck the same pose. The check was cashed.

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