Time one Jokes - page 52

Would You Believe?

A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his (no,that’s not the punch line) to spend a week or two up at this place, which happened to be in a backwoods section of Maine. On one particular occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him. The friend, eager to get a freebie…

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hey mom

One day there was a boy and he asked his mom, Mom how old are you? His mom said that is a question you don’t ask a laddy. When the ate dinner the boy asked , Mom how much do you weigh. The Mom said that is a question you don’t ask a laddy. When the Mom tucked the boy in he asked, her Mom why did you and dad get a divorce? Mom said because, just because. The next…

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Watch What You Eat

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, “Mom, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, “Mommy gonna eat your fingers!” pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed…

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The Amazing Compilation Wish Completer Survey Quiz

This Amazing Compilation Wish Completer Survey Quiz is quite astounding. One young man in Grasklebakistaninopleopolis recieved a brand new goat for simply filling out this survey and taking the quiz. TRY IT YOURSELF, IT WILL REVEAL EVERYTHING BURRIED IN YOUR SOUL!!! **Full name: It is spelled George Robertson, but pronounced Franklin O’Henry Ftang Ftang Ole Biscuit-barrel **Nickname: The Pope **Favorite color out of, muave, off-white, Asia Minor, Cindy Crawford: Elm Tree **Favorite drink, mountain dew or crab juice? Parlezvous Frances?…

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The kind grandma

One day a guy was driving in his car when it broke down. He saw a house and it was raining so he decided to ask if he could stay for the night. So he knocked on the door and a grandma came to the door and he asked if he could stay the night. The Grandma said yes and took him to a room. This room had clothes hanging down and it scratched and tickled his face, so he…

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Top 10 Hilliary Campaign Slogans

10. “Read My Lips – No New Interns” 9. “Reward Me For Putting Up With Bill’s Crap For So Long” 8. “Isn’t It Time You Were Disappointed By A Different Clinton?” 7. “Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You, Ask How You Can Illegally Contribute To My Campaign” 6. “Vote For Me Or My Husband Will Nail Your Wife” 5. “You Give Me A Vote, I’ll Get Vernon Jordan To Give You A Job” 4. “Still Not Indicted…

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Constipated Elephant

This doesn’t quite qualify as a Darwin Award, but it comes pretty close… PADERBORN, GERMANY – Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly — and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like…

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Ron and Elaine

Ron and Elaine had been married ten years, had no children, and were beginning to drift apart. Elaine told her mother one day that she thought her marriage was in trouble. “For God’s sake, Elaine”, said her mother, “you and Ron have to see a marriage counselor. Ron’s a wonderful guy, and you’ll never find anyone who’d be as good to you as he is.” So Elaine phoned her cousin Harriet, who’d been through marriage troubles herself, to get the…

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Little Johnny wants a bike

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas.” Christmas came around, and Johnny asked: “Dad, can I get the bike now?” The father said, “Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time.” A week…

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Footprints in the sand, and…

One night I had a wondrous dream, One set of footprints there was seen, The footprints of my precious Lord, But mine were not along the shore. But then some stranger prints appeared, And I asked the Lord, “What have we here?” Those prints are large and round and neat, “But Lord, they are too big for feet.” “My child,” He said in somber tones, “For miles I carried you alone. I challenged you to walk in faith, But you…

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